I’ve had these feelings in my head—occupying and motivating my actions for many years now. Though, I never dared to write them out or consciously make sense of them. I’ve never formed questions or my philosophical standpoint.  So the following questions I would like to address:

• Where do I find meaning in life?
• What is my life’s purpose?
• What are my intentions?

For myself at least, where I find meaning in life defines what my life’s purpose is. My intentions are how I manifest this purpose and meaning (I think this list will grow as I think about this more).

• I intend to love and accept my whole self and to remain constant and true to who I really am.
• It is my intention to find balance between my spiritual, emotional, and intellectual beings and with those around me.
• It is my intention to do the best for myself, but not at the exclusion of others.
• I intend to treat others with love, care, and acceptance, and compassion as well as to be gentle with others as well as myself.

My purpose in life is to offer compassion, acceptance, love, and kindness to those in my life. Though my connections with others and the world around me, I find meaning and purpose.

One single word

Love

To manifest love in my actions, words, thoughts, and feelings
To help others love themselves, as much as love them

The greatest gift I can give is to see others fully and to be present with them
To encourage and foster a sense of belonging

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Compassion is genuinely caring and wanting to help others. Pity is about helping yourself to relieve your sense of aversion, guilt, shame, or sense of obligation. Compassion is beyond one’s cares, fears, or worries. It arises from love and requires action, is open-hearted and welcoming however difficult a situation might be.

Pity disempowers others for it does not honor who they are. Compassion honors and respects the others’ being, shared difficulties, & experiences life brings.

One must establish compassion for one’s self before being capable of true compassion for another. Those who do not have compassion for themselves will not be able to understand the compassion others may give.

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My flexibility has improved greatly as you can see by the photograph. A couple weeks ago I would not have had the strength to do a back bend let alone a back bend with one leg in the air. (granted I could work on a straighter free leg…anyways).

Next week is the “rest” week 4. I will be in Las Vegas for the majority of that time. I’ve obtained a digital version of my P90X series and will be taking it along on my iPad. After week 4 I plan on repeating Phase 1. I just don’t feel as though I completed Phase 1 in the proper manner–meaning weeks 1 & 2 I did not do the complete workout due to injury. So plan on seeing Week 1 Redux, Week 2 Redux, and Week 3 Redux. I will, however, post a 30 day progress report. I guess I could be calling this workout plan P120X.

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I decided to modify my P90X routine for Week 2 to avoid being injured again. So, I swapped the days I do Yoga X and Kenpo. I moved Kenpo to Thursday and Yoga X to Saturday. Sadly I wouldn’t make it to Saturday’s Yoga X. You see, Friday I did legs and back for the first time; it spanked me good. I didn’t even make it through the whole workout! My gluts and hamstrings complained every time I went to sit down or stand up.

I am doing better in the other workouts. I moved up to 5 pound weights for the shoulders and arms. I found this too be light and will move up to 8 pound weights next week. Kenpo still kicks my butt. In my opinion, it is a far better for cardio than the Carido X workout. My biggest complaint–gripe–is all the pushups in the Core Synergistics routine–some of which cannot be modified. I’ve altered this workout by including some of the ab blasting exercises I found in Tony Horton’s 10 Minute Trainer instead of doing (or failing horribly) the pushups.

I still am being pretty good with my diet. Though, admitting, I didn’t adhere to it Sunday when I went to a milonga. Errr, or Saturday when I totally had a craving for sushi. Currently, I weigh in at 107.2 pounds–which is up from last week’s measurement. All-in-all the progress is moving on just fine.

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I did keep track of what I ate during this period–not with the aim of losing weight, but to make sure that I wasn’t overeating due to increased metabolism and to make sure I had enough energy to do my workouts. I increase my meals from two rather large meals to six smaller meals a day with breakfast time being the highest caloric intake at one time. The start of the week I weighed 110. Today I am at 106. Now, don’t get all crazy on me. My weight normally fluctuates about 5 pounds during a month naturally. So only time will tell me exactly what weight loss or gain I have obtained. I am not afraid of gaining weight, so long as it is muscle mass.

The most noticeable thing to me is increased strength in my core, which is evident by the increased definition in my abdominal muscles. Working out in the morning also elevates my mood throughout the rest of the day. I believe I can also attribute this to eating many smaller meals.

All in all a good first week despite a few minor set-backs. I feel good with this progress and aim to achieve more this coming week.

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Current Stats:

Before Photographs

These poses were taken with the muscles relaxed as much as possible, no flexion

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Thus comes my greatest challenge with Tango: not to forcing things to happen.  This sounds a bit odd because one is trying to learn something new and become proficient. It sounds counterintuitive. It isn’t that I am trying to block information from my brain. What I am trying to do is keep myself from inhibiting my own learning through analysis of every detail.

Granted, while I am in class I do think thoughtfully of what I am doing. I think about what my instructors are saying, how I am interpreting that information, and how my body is outputting that information. That is for class and practica. However this thoughtful approach is done differently than how I’ve operated in the past. There isn’t the feeling of force; it doesn’t feel contrived. Beyond that, I don’t feel like I am trying to be something I am not. It is a liberating way to learn, but it kind-of makes it hard to determine your progress. I knew I progressed in ballet when my double turns became triple turns.

Tango is different. I have begun to determine my progress by how natural the dance feels. I don’t qualify it by what steps I am doing: say ochos, cruzada, ganchos, or what have you. I know those things are important to learn and be able to do, but there isn’t much sense getting on the social dance floor and trying to force yourself to do that and have it feel, well, awkward. I’ve had my fair share of awkward. I’ve also had my fair share of flow, albeit all momentary.

In tango, you will find individuals who tell you how difficult tango is. When you speak to them you feel like your tango experience is going to be a daunting path full of self-hatred and contempt. Dark cloud circles above your head and you start to wonder if you are doing well and if you will ever do well enough. People sometimes say you will never “get” tango. I really dislike this mentality, and I often question the purpose behind saying these things. Is it to make the receiver of this information feel more at ease with his or her lack of self-confidence?  Is it to garner more respect for the speaker’s experiences and difficulties in his or her tango journey? Is it to create an elitist group of special tango people who really get it? Maybe it is to scare the crap out of you and have you shackled to the boots of the more experienced because you wont be able to get tango without them? I would like to believe that it is said with good intentions–hopefully to make the new learner feel more comfortable.

Does just nurturing the thought of tango difficulty make tango harder than it really needs to be? My limited experience is showing me that the more natural, less-contrived the movement feels; the more flow you can experience in the dance. It takes time to develop this feeling. Once one tries to force it, the feeling of natural movement dissipates. For me, the flow of the moment, the connection, and letting go is the most appealing aspect of the dance

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Nazarena: Year by year you arrive to a point where you have more feelings than steps. You can always work on making beautiful steps, but when the Tango is over, you are going to remember how it felt, not what steps you did.

You have to make yourself available in order to create something authentic. I want my dancing to be honest. I try not to be rational. It is better to be transparent in what you feel.”

Asheville, despite its small town nature, has a pretty thriving tango community–one that has a lot of focus on technique. I think that is great, and I feel that in the very short time I have been dancing I have learned a great deal of good technique (thank you local teachers and dancers).  What I have discovered recently are few gems in the community that focus on the feeling and energy. The single most transformative experience I have had was in a class not long ago. We focused on our breath in a close embrace. I didn’t understand this until the holiday milonga. I had two tandas (in close embrace) where I was acutely aware of breath–feeling my breath and my partner’s breath. I don’t remember any of the steps. I remember the connection. Which brings me to a suggestion (more than once) another instructor has given me: let go. I now understand what I was holding onto: my breath and really focusing on my partner’s breath. By listening to the music and breathing with it and my partner, essentially I was letting go and feeling–instead of being rational or intimidated. I realized tonight that this transparency began as I entered the embrace.

I remember all to well the feeling of intimidation when I first started dancing. Before I even started a tanda, I felt apologetic for the dance my partner was about to have. My embrace was saying I’m sorry before I ever did one step. I feel just enough confidence now where that feeling doesn’t enter the embrace. That doesn’t mean, however, I don’t get rattled or lose being in the moment. Now I don’t feel like I have wasted someone else’s tanda. Now I feel like I am really starting to understand the concept of intent.

Too much of my beginning tango experience was influenced by someone with a preoccupation with technique. (I write that and I instinctively want to modify it because I too value technique.) We never discussed the embrace beyond the technical aspect, nor did we ever discuss the feeling or energy. A lot of my mentality was if you don’t have good technique you can’t have a good dance, and no one is going to want to dance with you. Maybe better stated: your value as a dancer is in your technique. I don’t however want to enter in an embrace saying okay let me see x, y, z is in place. What I hear in my head when I think of entering the embrace with technique is reiterating your instructors’ corrections or how you know it is suppose to be. How can one be an open, inviting partner to someone else if you enter the embrace thinking about yourself? You’ve given no energy to someone else. It feels closed and disconnected–like there is a wall between you and your partner.

When I dance at milonga I don’t want to be thinking at all. I want to be feeling instead. I’ll save the criticism and thinking for class and practica.

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Thoughts on knowledge acquisition and intelligence: If you look at technological growth; it doesn’t follow the steep line ever increasing. It follows more of an S curve, some would even say it is overlapping bell curves. It starts off slowly, inclines in the middle, and slows down. That’s because technology isn’t just a thing; it is a combination of devices, skills, and organizations. To support any technological advances; social, economic, and political adjustments have to occur . There are obstacles that present during advancement, and these obstacles have to be addressed, thus, slowing progress down. I don’t feel like the entire system grows exponentially; humans, our nature and intelligence does not grow exponentially. Exponential growth of technology does not exponentially increase our intelligence. Our understanding, our knowledge, in many of these areas still remains on a linear trajectory. It is true that recent advances in technology have helped increase the speed and cost of say sequencing DNA. However, scientists would argue that insights from this data are far from revelatory in the sense that we will be capturing a person’s entire personality, memory, skills and history by uploading our our mental life into super computers or having nanobots creating virtual worlds in our brains. Advancement in AI, neurosciences, and biosciences have not had exponential increase over the past decades like computers. There is a great divide between having data and having insight. Information by no means translates into intelligence.

Thoughts on Moore’s Law: Simply stated computer speed doubles every two years. However, Moore’s law isn’t simply about increasing speed; it is how the speed is increased (not to mention the cost aspect). Moore’s law is about the number of transistors that can be placed on an ingrated circuit board and how it doubles about every two years. What isn’t being taken into light is Moore himself said that this law would no longer be applicable given time. Moore gives this insight to the so-called “law”:  he says, “I took that first few points, up to 60 components on a chip in 1965 and blindly extrapolated for about 10 years and said okay, in 1975 we’ll have about 60 thousand components on a chip. I had no idea this was going to be an accurate prediction. And one of my friends, Dr. Carver Mead, a Professor at Cal Tech, dubbed this Moore’s law.” Furthermore, he goes on to say, “Materials are made of atoms and we’re getting suspiciously close to some of the atomic dimensions with these new structures.” The inherit physical limitations of the materials are retiring the idea of Moore’s Law. There are only so many tiny transistors one can pack on a tiny silicon chip. There is only so much we can do given our current knowledge of physics. This isn’t a law like the law gravity or therondynamics. It is only illustrating what was happening in the 60’s. It doesn’t necessarily describe technology as a whole system. If all our technological advancement has been based on the CPU, what happens when we have reached the max? Will we level out some in our advancement as we figure out new technologies or ways to adapt existing? True, necessity is the mother of invention. I believe we will overcome this and build on our prior knowledge, but it takes time to rethink and reengineer the way things were and continue on the path of technological advancement, which to me defeats the idea of exponential growth according to Moore’s “Law.”

I could write forever on more of my thoughts, but maybe it is better to pose questions. The scientific skeptic in me ponders the following questions when I watch Transcended Man:

1. If technology as a whole (not just one physical component) increases exponentially, can our culture adapt exponentially? If there is a lag in adaptation in culture, does this have an impact on technological growth?
2. How does limited natural resources impact the idea of exponential growth. (look at population growth and resources for natural survival. What happens in these situations?) — Plastics are in computers and insulate electricity. If we run out of oil, what is the replacement material. Glass? Wood? Does this impact the accessibility of the technology–cost? How would we make it? Everything we do today is related with plastics not just the computer? Too great of a change to the entire system–not just to the computer.
3. Do computers become smart, as they become fast? Is it really better? Does it really make an impact?
4. What are examples of failures in recent technology?
5. Are there examples of technological advance that wasn’t exponential? (commercial airplane speeds, building height, nuclear power, space exploration) What were the limiting factors to exponential growth?
6. What defines intelligence? Can we program these qualities?
7. Is algorithmic computation the center of reality?
8. Can dependent systems keep up with one another?
9. What variables are there that would derail Kurweil’s timeline?
10. What are the effects of marketing hype on our perception of technological advancement?
11. Are we stroking our own egos here?
12. Is our technological advance now unique or new? Has this happened in the past?
13. Is evolution the force that drives events? (what types of evolution? systems vs. components)
14. Is software any better than it was in the past? (larger, more bloated, not using resources efficiently)
15. Our machines do things because a human told it to; if we look at software humans have had a hard time getting it to do complex tasks without crashes–security breaches and the like. Has our ability to write software increased exponentially?
16. Within the realm of exponential growth, is there not built in it exponential problems? (exponential ideal seduces us into believing we will be able to exponentially solve all problems. Problems solved by computers tend to get twice as large and require twice as much computational power…does this diminish exponential growth?)
17. Technology is cumulative. What happens when we keep building on the “bad.” How does that diminish the effect of exponential growth. (again new technology breeds new problems thus slowing down the rate of growth.)
18. Nature is more adaptable than technology though slower. Why do we want to make the slower aspect a negative trait? (slow flexible. fast brittle.)
19. Is all of nature’s changes/adaptations slow? (germs grow and spread faster than we can kill them. Superbugs.)
20. Ideal of technology “fixing itself.” Can a fast change, change the system enough? (look towards nature’s fast/slow adaptations).
21. On computers as powerful as human brains. Do we even know the power of the human brain; can we make this comparison?
22. Does technology develop entirely in an opened community were are available knowledge is shared, or is it secretive or isolated?
23. Development of technology is driven by what human forces (greed, money, capitalism, war). We do not simply solve problems to solve a problem without other motives. How does our motives help or hinder technological advancement?
24. Is there anything in nature that grows continuously up without falling?
25. Is living forever important?
26. How could the reality of living forever biological impede our own natural evolution? New people, babies, grow up differently than their parents. Have different values or ideas than what their parents grew up with…we become fixed in our thoughts…creativity diminishes as we grow older because experience limits new avenues of thought….not that we wouldn’t have new babies but Earth can’t support exponential population growth. Maybe we just assume we can solve that problem too. There is value in slow change. There is value in the way things are now. What are these benefits and what could be taken away by living forever?
27. Maybe there should be more focus on social innovation versus technological. What would that be like?
28. Are we trying to solve problems that aren’t problems with technology? Trying to fix social problems with technology…

I think we become entranced by our own ingenuity sometimes. We look at the limitations we have overcome and the time that has passed and think of how the future can and will be radically different (usually better). The simple logic and elegance behind this thinking is seductive. It is comforting to think that we have that much control and that we will solve “humanities grand challenges.” Maybe our arrogance we will just create more.

Yes we have made some really awesome and cool gadgets that have changed how our daily lives operate. We will make some more really awesome gadgets in the future; some may even deeply impact human nature.(I cannot help but think of the irony of how technology has increased the global concept yet now see so much drive to think local) I don’t believe however I will be uploading my brain into AI by the time I die. Sure it is bound to happen sometime. I don’t think there is anything that is impossible, but when someone starts to profit from wild predictions–hey look at that word prediction, I feel alarmed. To me it doesn’t matter if his predictions come true. He creating a belief system. It promises salvation and establishes a worldview where technology is the path to transcendent human conditions. Just as faith in God or Jesus will transcend one from the human condition. It creates a ground, just like religion, from which values can be judged.

Except the unexpected but don’t believe in miracles.

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One thing that seems to be an issue for me is how other people try to direct your learning experience: don’t dance with that dancer, don’t take from that instructor, etc. I realize that this is done in kindness–perhaps to prevent me from having the same bad experience that he or she had in a similar situations. I appreciate the information they impart. I do not like the limiting feeling to my learning experience and autonomy when matters are pressed, or I am shunned when not heeding to given advice. When I proceed to do exactly what he or she has suggested I not do, I mean not to insult. Nor by doing such, do I mean to imply that I know more, better than, or find their experiences irrelevant or meaningless. My way of doing things has function and meaning to me. I want the experience for my own purposes and reasons. I do not need someone deciding for me what is meaningful (good, right, better) through his or her context. I like the exchange of opinion, sharing of experiences, and when I am given advice so long as I am not left feeling like I must abide by such, or that I am wrong for wanting the experience myself.

I know this may sound harsh: no one other than myself understands what is best for my learning. You’ve made mistakes; those are your mistakes, and you developed from them. Throughout your experience, you learned things that helped your dance progress, within your context. It is a fallacy to believe these things apply to everyone in every context. If you decide for me, I will never have the opportunity to test my own initiatives in doing what is best for me, to develop my own judgments, and learn from my own mistakes. Your experiences developed your preferences, but I haven’t a preference yet. I am still exploring and collecting information. Your information can supplement my own, but it cannot be my experience. (How do I know a bad dancer if I never dance with one; how will I know a bad teacher if I never experience one; how will I know what I really like if I only do what you like?)

For the dancer from which I am suppose to away: I want to dance with him. I want to see what it is like like to dance with this person. Is it a matter of style? What did I find uncomfortable? Did I learn anything? Did I enjoy myself? If I did enjoy myself, why? After my skills grow, I would hope to dance with this same person–or someone with a similar style–to see if I still feel the same. Do I dislike this dance now? How has my growth (hopefully) or preferences changed my feeling about this dance? Do I understand now why someone before said not to dance with this person? If it was good the first time and bad the second time, what were the differences? Wow! is the sense I get from these questions. I am better able to understand my development because I didn’t limit my experiences based off of someone else. I am better capable of saying that is the dancer I was before; this is the dancer I am now; and this is how I changed (or, perhaps, stayed the same).

For the bad dance teacher, from whom I am only to learn bad technique or the wrong technique: I like taking from a multitude of instructors, good or bad. You know an excellent instructor when you have one because it works for you at that time and at that place in your learning experience. It isn’t just the information he or she imparts; it includes the entire learning experience. In my past I have found dance teachers who claim to be diametrically opposed. However after taking from both instructors, I found a wide range of similarities their technique and sometimes even style. The differences that separated them were far less than they purported. On the other hand, I have had radically different instructors. I’ve left classes thinking: that was interesting. I’ve returned to these classes later to find myself really learning something in an entirely different way. Cecchetti method in ballet is different than in Russian, French, Bournonville, or Balanchine styles. One can quickly dismiss one style based solely on the apparent “incorrect” positioning of the hip, which “totally isn’t technically correct,” when the style’s technique itself dictates the hip is held in this, different “correct” position. It was easy from my limited experience to make an assumption of bad teacher: my past teacher has always taught me wrong, or this teacher now doesn’t know what she is talking about. At the time, I didn’t know the new instructor was teaching the Vaganova way of using one’s hip. Did that make my old instructor a bad teacher? No. I learned what was right in the past wasn’t necessary right now. I could open myself up to this new way of doing this, or not. It wasn’t easy or natural, but it offered me an opportunity to grow.

I spent over 15 years studying ballet. My childhood classes may have not been a technical powerhouse of information–at least my new instructors had no problem letting me know how inadequate it was. I didn’t learn the correct names/positions of the all the basic ballet positions. We didn’t spend a great deal of time doing tendus and dégagés in center work. My turnout wasn’t all that developed. In short, there were problems. My past teachers were labeled as bad teachers, which is not entirely true. One cannot blame the teacher on every poor aspect of one’s technique. If the teacher is good (maybe not the best), he or she will impart one very important tool to you: the ability and desire to learn. I left my studio and teachers with a passion to learn. My technical deficiencies were an opportunity for growth. I don’t know if I would have felt the same way about ballet if I studied at the Vaganova Ballet Academy. I don’t know if my technique would have been any better; I may have been kicked out after a year (as if I would have ever been accepted in the first place, nudge, nudge).

My fouette turns when I left one school were technically lacking, but at least I could perform the movement. My other teachers taught me how to finesse it, and each one of them had their own ways of executing this one turn. Almost everything one does as a dancer is technically lacking, or always needs improvement. This need for improvement should always be developed but shouldn’t hinder further progress. Still today I find the simplest combinations some of the most difficult.

Maybe all this boils down to learning styles: dualistic verses relativistic. A dualistic learner sees the teacher as the authority figure who passes along truth to the student. There is not room for multiple answers or conflicting interpretations. There is only a right or wrong, a black and white. It’s the students goal to arrive at the right solution–do the right thing at the right time in this right process. Doing the wrong thing has no value. A relativistic learner looks for relationships and different viewpoints, gathers information, expands and modifies concepts based within a context. There is uncertainty in every answer and equal possibilities. It is the ultimate goal to  be flexible with what one has learned–to know what you value, what you believe in, but always be prepared to reconsider. If I was hard set in my way of doing things, because the teacher I had was the authority, my progress would have stunted many, many, many years ago–in many respects, not just dance.

I invite everyone to share their experiences with me, offer their opinions, and advice. However, I still want the exploration to be my own. It doesn’t represent how authoritative or talented I think you are. It doesn’t mean your experiences and opinions are not valid. It doesn’t mean I think you are wrong. For me every experience is an experience that leads to growth: good, bad, black, white, right, or wrong all kind-of blur together, and I say I’m ready to learn.

Later on you are welcome to say “I told you so.” I won’t be offended.

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This is why I was always a little miffed about this classification: if you are a dancing, then you are being creative.

Most of these comments are generated from the misconception that you are either left brain or right brain oriented. The old stereotype goes something like this: the left brain is deductive, mathematical, and logical; the right brain, however, is artistic, visual, and creative. People still hold on to this old science tightly. They cannot conceive the path of a prior dancer becoming a computer programmer.

What science is discovering today is that the right and left sides of the brain work together. The left side appears to be focused on the details whereas the right side more on the broad picture and general connections. It is like the left side of the brain is macro vision and the right side panoramic. Language, for example, is processed by both sides. The left side focuses on grammar and punctuation. The right side on intonation. Without both, meaning is not the same. Being creative isn’t a matter of brain dominance it is a matter of approach. Do you suppress (analytical) thoughts, ideas, emotions with critical analysis? It is about suppression verses discovery–of right versus wrong.

It took a long time for me to find my artistic dance side. I had to let go of technique and start focusing on feeling. For a long time I fought this transition. When I was sixteen I had my first glimpse into my dancing inadequacy–my artistic inadequacy. I had long been taking dance classes in a different city. I loved these classes; I felt strong and a master of technique. Not because my technique was perfect, but because of the affirmations I received from improving my technique. I was now a part of the so-called elite ballet dancers (at least that is what I felt) who understood technique and knew how to apply, even with my limitations, to my dancing. Everyone who didn’t subscribe to my ideals were of lesser understanding and thus talent and skill.

To keep in shape one summer before I went off to study ballet at a summer intensive program, I took some local classes–classes I had long ago abandoned as inadequate. The instructor I knew for a long time. I often had in the past ridiculed and made fun of her dancers for their poor technique. The classes I took that summer didn’t focus on the same things as I had been used to focusing on in my other classes. So secretly, I felt that I was better. My teachers were better, and therefore in some twisted way I was a better dancer. I don’t think at the time I even realized I was doing this. I had fallen in love with executing technique and doing it right because my teacher would award praise. It felt good to feel like executed something technically right. So I focused, focused, focused on all the technique but never the artistic elements of dance. My summer class instructor pegged my inadequacy quite pointedly by saying I danced like a robot. I puffed myself up on the inside and thought nothing of it: I had the technique and that is all that mattered.

I would say I kept this habit for years to come. The only glimpse of creativity I touched was during a performance trying to be in character. I wasn’t really equipped though to perform in character. I couldn’t see the whole because I was still focusing on the detail. I hadn’t learned to let go of my inner critic. Later I started dabbling in choreography. My first attempts were so methodical–adhering to the precise beat of every measure in the music. Later I started working with a modern dance company. They worked on technique, but it was never their focus.

At first, I held onto my arrogant, technique driven style of dance. Though gradually through my work with them, I left a lot of that behind. It was a lot of work. I still got labeled as a technician instead of an artist even when I tried my best to visualize, create an emotion, and dance it. This criticism was more devastating than any negative comment on my technique.  I know how to fix technique; it is tangible. I didn’t know how to be a better artist. I didn’t know how to incorporate the core of myself into my dancing. I was still protecting her; and my shield was always technique.

The only way I got in touch with my core style and true dance self was to start doing improvisational dance. I was able to connect my emotion and music for the first time by simply letting go and moving. I spent a whole summer working on this and nothing else. Just because you are improvising doesn’t mean you are not going through the motions; that is why it took many long hours to get to a point where I was being creative. Later I learned to balance technique and creativity–sometimes even compartmentalizing them so I can work on one or the other.  It meant not seeing my dance, other dancers, or choreography through the analytical, detail oriented goggles of the technician. Wearing these goggles I found nothing was surprising, exciting, interesting, or meaningful without brilliance. It really limited my enjoyment of the experience. It was okay but never ecstatic. I was okay but never good enough–technique can always be improved. Yet at the same time, strangely, I felt superior to everyone because I could point out what was lacking in everything else–yes, including myself.

Taking off those goggles meant seeing the whole picture. Now I could be touched by dance as an art. My heart was opened, kinder, and truly humble. A dancer’s technique was background: high jumps, multiple pirouettes, perfectly arched feet or turn out, I didn’t notice anymore. At least, it didn’t impact my opinion on the dance or the value of the dancers. It opened me up to having more meaningful dance experiences.

I look back at myself during those times, and I feel rather ashamed of my attitude. I spent so many years being told I was creative and the whole time I was being a technician: no feeling, no style, boring. I was dancing with my “left brain.” My love for dance wasn’t a love of art or creativity. I wasn’t in touch with myself; I was in touch with technique. It was a love for how good I felt to have command over my own body. I felt a great amount of pride in my superior balance, my spot on pirouettes, or a extraordinarily high jumps for such a short dancer. There was nothing more elating than to be pulled out of class to demonstrate one of these moves for my peers. I felt a great amount of pride in my ability to impart correct classical ballet technique to my students.

Yet, when someone said to me “she did all the technique with none of feeling,” did I acknowledge what was being said? No, because I couldn’t. Without that technique, what was my strength? What was so special about my dancing? It took me a long time to realize that there wasn’t anything special about my dancing. I didn’t really connect with my fellow dancers; I didn’t allow them inside. I didn’t feel my roles; I executed them. When I watched videos of myself I saw how this or that looked weird or how that was an amazing something or another. I never reflected on the feeling or what I was communicating to someone else (fellow dancers and audience). Though I was constantly calling myself and being called an artist.

As in any art form, there is a technical craft that goes in hand with the expressive art form. The technical/analytical side is the support mechanism for the vision/emotion/feeling. An example outside of dance, is photography. Photography is great because there is a lot of technical equipment and concepts that appeal to analytical personality types. One’s working knowledge of light, shutter speed, or proper lens use doesn’t mean he or she is going to take a compelling photograph. One must learn, in my opinion, to cultivate the vision, open the door, and quiet the critic. Gaining greater technical skills will only enhance the vision, feeling, imagination, and intuition. Great artists are measured by how the touch others not by the tools and techniques they use to create the art. Masters like Van Gogh and Monet painted with style; it wasn’t all about their technique.

I truly believe in a balance. It is my goal in life to always tend to balanced states, no extremes. When your art from gets dissected into little technical pieces, it isn’t art anymore. Too little technique and it is an abstraction of the art form. Finding harmony between the two is key. First becoming aware of my ideas and feelings and not using the inner critic to suppress those things was the first step. Creativity isn’t a matter of left brain or right brain. When I talk about dancing with my left brain, I speak of dancing with my analytical side first instead of my heart. It is the critic: always trying to be right, on the right path, doing it the right way, always validating myself through my technical skills, always searching for validation for those technical skills, and worst of all validating or devaluing others based on their technical merits.

As I start studying dance again (tango), I will always try to remember technique is important and must be cultivated, but it is not the most important thing. It wont make me a superior dancer or a better person even though greater mastery builds greater confidence. Great technique doesn’t inherently make me a better dancer, and it most certainty will not make me a better dancer than other dancers. I may develop better technique than another dancer or have a natural talent for movement, but that alone doesn’t make me a better dancer or student. Each person is a complete package of strengths and weaknesses. I will be humble with my strengths as much as I find my weaknesses humbling. I will treat others with the same respect. I will not let my growing confidence lead to arrogance. My intent will be to create an uplifting, positive experience not only for myself but for those I have the opportunity to share it with. This is achieved through humility, kindness, flexibility, and an opened heart.

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• Spontaneity. Improvised, unpremeditated dancing, when neither of the partners knows or plans what happens next, yet dancing that is not arbitrary, but spontaneously appropriate to the music and the surrounding space.
• Refinement of Effort. Ease, relaxation, when dancing does not take much more effort than standing or walking, but also a refinement of effort in one’s standing and walking in themselves. As cellist Pablo Casals told his students, “There is no limit to how relaxed you can be”. The more effortless the dancing, the less physical, the more magical
• Simplicity. Nothing unnecessary. A minimum of manipulation, artificiality, contrivance. Zero technique. Just good natural walking. In the words of painter Henri Matisse, “The maximum variety of sensations with a minimum of means“.
• Unlimited potential for improvement. The tango that keeps providing us with ecstatic experiences is the tango that keeps getting better all the time - ecstasy means transcending, “standing outside” of the old boundaries. Tango is an art form of unlimited potential, we just have to learn how to tap 
• Cultural Metaphor. Tango is, at least potentially, a culturally significant art form. It is a rare psycho-physical interaction in which one’s psychological and cultural attitudes inevitably find expression. It is a mirror of all one’s problems and “issues”, but also a great opportunity to work on them. Similarly to the best of martial arts, tango can be a way to train the body, the mind, and even strengthen the spirit, though so far ways to do that have not been clearly articulated
• Well-Functioning Practice.  At its best, tango is a meaningful cultural ritual. It is a way for people to  meet on the basis of a progressive activity, develop themselves, and share an experience. Many people I know flocked to tango because it provided them with a more meaningful way to come together with others. For a serious tango practitioner, a regular well-functioning group practice is essential to be able to work on all the above attributes. Tango is best developed in a group setting, where people are free to dance comfortably, watch each other and change partners if they wish to do so. The quality of the space, the floor, the music, and the adherence to certain codes which let this ritual function smoothly are all very important.

The following statements are taken out of context of the paragraph. They hold a great deal of meaning to me as well…especially six and eight. What is especially thrilling about these statements is how they are related to life in general and not just tango.

1. But the activity [dancing] becomes free from conscious deliberation, from any arbitrary choice; things begin to feel spontaneously appropriate – somehow perfectly fitting the situation, yet unpremeditated. It feels as though something bigger than the artist is acting through him or her.
2. The main problem is that an untrained mind tends to become attached to fixed patterns. It can be a fixed idea of what the art is or should be, a fixed technique which is believed necessary, personal patterns by which an artist asserts his distinction from others, or a fixation on some circumstances which supposedly prevent one from making good art. All of those are obstacles to higher states of being which can potentially be achieved through an art form. The more of such fixed structures build up, the more they block the spontaneity, intuition, flow.
3. The less “mechanism”, “technique”, “exact procedure”, the better. At its best, tango can feel amazingly natural, where both the communication and the dancing itself are accomplished simply through good natural movement. To get to that point is difficult, and most people at one point or another begin relying on some artificial techniques. The challenge is to then gradually dissolve those techniques, getting rid of all artificiality, primarily through developing proper natural body coordination.
4. A magical aspect of intention is that it can extend outside one’s body and include the body of one’s partner. Ultimately, a good lead is just an intention. More precisely, for both partners the communication can become a curious mix of intention and sensitive attention to the other. That is when things happen as if by magic, communication becomes incredibly direct, where neither of the partners is any longer aware of the actual mechanical means of it.
5. It [bad technique] is usually impossible to “make” it disappear immediately – one cannot suddenly change one’s posture or stop contorting the body in habitual ways. But if one notices the pattern, keeps paying attention to it, and realizes that it is not necessary, it begins to gradually dissolve. I have dissolved a lot of excess muscular tension by first noticing it, and then gradually letting go of it. In this way, attention and intention work together: notice the compulsive pattern, intend the freedom from it.
6. Another example of useful intention is creative attitude. Very often, dancers fall into believing that certain circumstances are preventing them from having the ultimate dance experience. It can be lack of desirable partners, a floor that is too slippery, sticky, or crowded, or one’s own physical or psychological limitations. If any such things are perceived as obstacles beyond one’s control, this is defensive attitude. Seeing them as opportunities to learn and improve is creative attitude. I have learned a lot of tango from dancing on difficult surfaces and from partnering beginner dancers. When one is challenged is when one has the best opportunity for a new breakthrough. The right intention is to simply make the dancing feel good in whatever circumstances. Blaming someone or something while dancing creates many more counter-productive patterns. I realized this very clearly when I discovered one day that when I was able to suspend my mental criticism of my partners, they invariably began dancing better instantly. I understood that by focusing on their shortcomings, I was subconsciously doing something physical to bring those shortcomings out, to expose them even more. But if I managed to accept my every partner as simply the partner, I was letting my body adjust to their movement, and their supposed shortcomings became a lot less noticeable, and many times not noticeable at all. This is just another example of creative attitude, which can and should be applied to all aspects of tango, from one’s body to any particular tango “scene” that one is in.
7. Unlike many other modern pursuits, tango involves more of our whole being – the mind, the body, and, ideally, the spirit. It is a multi-faceted interaction with time, space, gravity, music, our own physical nature. Tango is a rare art form that demands the purification of one’s body conditions. It does not ask for more than good natural movement, but neither does it settle for anything less! Given the right approach, it can teach one what it means to stand and walk well, what it means to purify one’s physical nature. Because of its multi-faceted nature, tango acts as a great mirror and training ground for many of our general strengths and weaknesses, including mental focus, creative attitude, the ability to respond spontaneously to changing conditions, good body coordination, relaxation, poise, centeredness, physical and emotional sensitivity to another human being. In other words, it is a great means for forging a stronger connection between one’s awareness and one’s unconscious.
8. The conscious mind must realize its right place in the artistic process. Its primary task is to weed out all thoughts and attitudes which interfere with one’s direct experience and progress in the art. For example, a desire to be better than others, to affect others with one’s art, to leave a mark, etc. must be gradually subdued. Instead, the focus must be primarily on one’s blissful experience on the practice of the art, but also on the nature of the particular art form, on some general standards of good art which anyone is to aspire to, irrespective of personal “style”. One must find certain standards of freedom on one hand and integrity on the other. In fact, as I attempt to explain in several different sections, a greater freedom is usually a consequence of a greater integrity. For example, in tango dancing, a higher choreographic and musical freedom is enabled by progress in the integrity of partner connection and body movement….A good artistic vision presupposes an understanding of what prevents good art form happening.  If one’s heart and one’s senses are open enough, freedom, integrity, and good art in general want to happen on their own. One must simply get rid of the obstacles to that process. Mental concepts, preconceived notions must be cut down to a minimum, in order to let an actual sensory and emotional experience guide one’s learning. It is for one’s rational mind and one’s senses to recognize certain obstacles and how to eradicate them, but it is for one’s senses and one’s heart to know when the right thing is happening. In other words, a sober self-examination is needed to deconstruct many rigid counter-productive patterns of one’s body and mind, to open up the way for good art which is something that is not “constructed” but grows naturally out of our very being, and which we perceive in an intuitive, less rational way.
9. In all of it, it is important to be patient with oneself and others, not to lose the enjoyment of the dance behind the “should’s” and “should-not’s”. It is the pleasure that we take in dancing, our irrational pull to do it that is the root of the best dancing that we can ever achieve.

“When you do not forget everything, when you go on thinking about performing with the hands and the feet well and dancing accurately, you cannot be said to be skillful. When the mind stops in the hands and the feet, none of your acts will be singular. If you do not completely discard the mind, everything you do will be done poorly.”

- Zen Master Takuan Soho

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I was intimidated but at the same time knew that I didn’t have to dance. I could always just watch. I was grateful that my only job was to be clear with my steps and follow the leader. My instructor’s words…something along the lines of …. Its always the leader’s fault; it is their job to make you look good … that made me relax a tiny bit about the prospect of dancing. I really didn’t know what to expect from the “crowd.” I’ve listened to some things that make me feel like tango dancers are just as bitchy and snobby as ballerinas. Though, I’ve also heard that people are generally forgiving to new dancers.

Happily, everyone was very encouraging and supportive of this newbie. I found no hints of snobbery; this pleased me greatly. I had very little experience (almost none) dancing with different partners. I was surprised at the different styles of leading and was very fortunate to have more experienced leaders at the milonga offering me a tanda. Moving in the line of dance was interesting when about the only thing I knew for certain how to do is walk backwards. My answer to this problem was just to try to follow the direction of my leader and not get tense, which would prevent me from knowing the next steps direction. I had a lot of fun yet was humbled at the same time. Watching more experienced dancers in person made me realize Argentine tango offers a lifetime learning experience. From beginner basics to advance subtleties in movement, musicality, and connecting with another person; there seems to be little chance for this dance to get old or routine.

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I could have waited for the next cycle for an introduction to Argentine tango start, but I am impatient at times. I didn’t want to wait another month and a half sitting around wondering if I would like it at all or getting the wrong impression, which is rather easy to do if you listen to other Tangueros. So I scheduled a private lesson. I know it seems a little extreme. Though, it had several advantages.

Releasing Tension: Learning something completely new in front of and up close and personal with a bunch of strangers has a lot of pressure built into it. This perceived pressure added with my uncertainty and lack of confidence in the movement has an effect on my body of locking it up–tension. I know this from my prior dabbling in ballroom. My limited knowledge of Argentine tango told me that this would be bad, very bad. Unlike some traditional ballroom room dance forms, where the frame is rather rigid with the elbows out–not unlike ballet, Argentine tango dancers keep their frame in a firm but relaxed state–elbows are not pointing back but rather down in a more natural position. Secondly, it is really difficult to follow someone if you are not mentally relaxed. You don’t learn a series of movements to do together; thus, it is imperative that you are listening to your partner’s body. Where there is too much tension, there is a block in this communication–from leader to follower and from follower to leader.

Retraining the Ballerina in Me: I was told that ballet was a good background to have for Argentine Tango, but I really didn’t trust that assessment. Sure there is good things inherit in all that training: the ability to retain and learn movement, body awareness, balance, and coordination. I didn’t know what the pitfalls of all this training would be until I finished my first private lesson. Unfortunately, there is twenty years of ingrained muscle memory I have to undue. Firstly, the core technique is totally different. Ballerinas keep one’s shoulders and hips completely locked in a straight line. If one does this in Argentine tango, you’ll find your hips in the way and not really moving very well.  You don’t really stick out your butt; it is just a totally different way of carrying one’s torso. On the same line of hips and shoulders, tango uses the natural movement of walking–hips and shoulders going opposite directions. When you left hip is back, your right shoulder is forward. Mind you this is not exaggerated; it is a natural movement. In ballet, the hips and shoulders are firmly locked together. There is nothing more disturbing for a dancer to watch, than a ballerina walking with her arms swaying in the natural way. Your hips and shoulders do not move that way when you do ballet. Wow! that’s difficult.  Another problem is when one engages the shoulder blades down, a ballerina would definitely have her elbows out. The elbows are ALWAYS out in classical ballet. It is the basis for all good port de bras. As I mentioned above, this is not the Argentine tango way.  So there is a huge issue here: when I engage my core and back muscles, which is very important in tango, I find myself doing things that are detrimental to my tango technique: locking up my shoulders over my hips and locking up the upper arm. Simply put it is related to tension! I find a lot of these issues resolve when I say to myself relax. That also proved difficult.

Another interesting problem here the dynamic of dancing with another person, but I wouldn’t learn about that until I went to my first milonga.  More on that later.

I was glad my first experience in Tango was one on one, I was able to discuss in-depth what I felt like my body was doing and get direct, immediate feedback on those perceptions. My first class focused mainly on core, walking, and basic tango etiquette, and I learned a lot and realized that this would be a wonderful adventure.

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I started dating a guy who has been studying and dancing Argentine Tango for many years. He loves this form of dance. Out of curiosity, I did a bit of research and found it to be elegant yet unpredictable and very diverse. I enjoyed listening to his experiences with tango. I was even surprised to find out that tango dancers can be just as snobbish as ballet dancers, which is still a bit worrisome.

For those of you who don’t know, Argentine tango is not ballroom tango–you know, rose in the teeth, Scent of a Woman, plowing down a straight line on the dance floor. There isn’t a fixed style to the “steps.” It relies heavily on improvisation. This seems to give the dancer more freedom. One can connect to the music and dance partner emotionally, dance in the moment, and have the opportunity for surprise and creativity. Argentine tango movement does not have a rigid stylized quality like ballroom tango. One could perform the same movement with different quality, for example smooth verses sharp. These qualities made Argentine tango very alluring to me. An added benefit to this development, is I have someone who is passionate about tango and would be willing to share in the experience–past and present–his and mine. Plus, it sure does ease the intimidation factor–well a little.

So, what do I do? Or better stated now: what did I do? Once I get something in my mind, I don’t like to let it simmer too long. You can get the wrong impression if you keep waiting (too idealistic, too pessimistic, too exaggerated, etc) for the right class to start, to make sure it is okay for you to go to another person’s “thing,” to make sure you’re really interested. You wont ever know if you are really interested until you “do.”  So I didn’t wait until the next cycle of classes to start; and I really didn’t ask for permission; nor, was I really sure if I was interested. I instead scheduled a private beginning lesson. More on that in my next post.

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The second question is related to the first: if you could known for one thing what would it be–think of invention or something along that nature. I think my response is I wanted to be known for leading an intergalactic spaceship to the first planet to have life. But then my “dreams” were reigned into our current time. My traveling partner said he wanted to make an impact on the whole world– or something to that sentiment. I don’t have those desires. However after thinking about it, I would create a clean energy source or fix the ozone. “I don’t like this type of game, “  is what I was thinking. It’s like saying…if you don’t make history, are famous, or change the lives of millions of people; your life has no purpose.

I can’t image that billions of lives have no purpose. I would like to think the life of a bum on street or someone from a small rain forest tribe has meaning even if sometimes it is to show us how fragile, brutal, or hard being alive is. Just because they are not “making a mark” on the world doesn’t mean that he or she isn’t important.  I don’t like the idea of my worth being defined by others’ subjective view of success or importance.  It is the same feeling I would have by someone judging me by wealth (or lack thereof). I don’t have a problem with being forgotten. In the grand scheme of time, everything is forgotten. All I can do with this life is do as I have done since my first breath– encounter, experience, and hopefully become something more than I was previously.

I wonder why it seems our natural tendency is  to gravitate toward grandiosity. Is it a built-in mechanism of our DNA trying to make it to the future? It seems whatever culture values becomes our aspiration, or our measure of success becomes the subconscious likelihood our DNA will survive. Or perhaps, it is ourselves always seeking value in our own being because we can’t see that value in the simple notion of just being or becoming something more than we were previously. Is there not importance in the experience itself?

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Black Swan Cosplay Photographs by Sean Alderman of SciFiAnimeHeroes

It was really great meeting Sean at DragonCon.  He took some really wonderful photographs at Dragon*Con 2011.   You can check out more of his stuff at SciFiAnimeHeroes website or at SciFiAnimeHeroes Facebook page.

Double Black Swan @ DragonCon 2011

Double Black Swan by Sean Alderman

Double Black Swan by Sean Alderman

Jerri Lynn Reeves as Black Swan by Sean Alderman

Double Black Swan @ Dragon*Con 2011

Jerri Lynn Reeves as Nina Sayers Dragon*Con 2011

Double Black Swan @ DragonCon 2011

Black Swan Dragon*Con 2011 Photographs by Ladd Dunwoody

Ladd is Lori’s friend who came down to the con to shoot some photographs of her.  These are a few of the photographs he got of us being Black Swans.

Jerri's Black Swan Cosplay

Jerri, Fan, & Lori posing at DragonCon 2011

Lori and Jerri as Double Black Swans

My Dogs are Barking @ Dragon*Con 2011

Jerri and Lori as Double Black Swan at Dragon*Con 2011

Jerri & Lori with the Jew Man Group at Dragon*Con 2011

Double Black Swan meets White and Black Cosplayers @ Dragon*Con 2011

Lori best movie and winner of the Fuze award @ DragonCon 2011

Favorite Flickr Photographs of Black Swan @ DragonCon 2011

Clicking these photographs will take you to the photographers DragonCon set and will not display in a lightbox on this website.

Double Black Swan Cosplay by macavitecas

Black Swan Cosplay @ DragonCon 2011 by schuchert

Black Swan Cosplay @ DragonCon 2011 by atlaggie

Triple Black Swan @ DragonCon 2011 by awesoman

Double Black Swan @ DragonCon 2011 by awesoman

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I decided to go extra professional and get a tutu.com black rehearsal tutu.  Unfortunately, my tutu is too big.  However, it wasn’t big enough for me to send back.  Nor did I have time to send it back.  I suppose the benefit is, is I gain weight, I can still wear my tutu.

The Tutu Base

Top view of Tutu

Bottom view of Tutu

Tutu Pleating from top

The tutu.com rehearsal tutu I purchased with the extras of hooped and double hand-pleated. These two options are not necessary. If I were to make a recommendation, you can go without getting the hoop but I really like the double hand-pleating on the top layer (third image). Plus, its only a $25.00 addition. The first picture also shows another extra I bought, a $5.00 net plate meant for embellishing your tutu (first image pinned to the top). These plates, once embellished, can be removed from your tutu and another plate sewn on it. This is far more economical than buying a brand new tutu every time you needed a new black tutu design. For the Black Swan costume, getting the net plate will make it easier for you to build your costume without having to worry about messing up your expensive purchase. I highly recommend this addition. You can also make your own too, but is so easy just to add this to your purchase. The second image shows you gun tacking.  This comes standard with the rehearsal tutu. Gun-tacking makes your tutu flat like a pancake.  Also, if you have the time and skills, you can always make your own tutu.  If you need a pattern, tutu.com has them for you!

Step 1: Black Organza Fabric Overlay

I picked this fabric because it was semi-opaque and didn’t have the heavy look of black satin and it wasn’t expensive like silk. You can see your tutu through the fabric, but it is not super sheer.  Since I am pretty new to the sewing machine, it also has the added benefit of not needing to be hemmed once I cut the fabric. One can simple seal the ends by burning the edges.

First you take about a yard and a half of your fabric and lay it over the top of your tutu, which should have the tutu plate pinned to it.  I took small dress pins and then pinned along the inside of the tutu to the net overlay only.  I cut an x in the middle space where the waist part is and then trimmed away the excess. Around the outside of the the circle, I trimmed away the excess leaving a slight bit over the edge.  Then I burnt the edges of both the inside circle (waist band area) and outside circle (outer edge) of the fabric to seal in order to prevent fraying.

Black Overlay Material

Place material over tutu

Pin inside rim of waist band

Cut X in the middle

Trim excess away

Step 2: Making Your Feathers

I do the next step instead of adding the netting (or birdcage fabric) to the tutu because it is easier and safer to do this part first without the delicate net fabric already being attached to your overlay.

I got two types of feathers to use on my tutu: black strung hackle and black hackle pads. To make this process a bit easier, I used a net fabric and hot glued the feathers to the net fabric.  Afterwards, I decided I wanted a little bit more support for the feathers, so I then hot glued the feathers to black felt.  This made it much easier to sew the feather trim to the organza and bird cage veiling later.  You could probably forgo the netting and go straight to the black felt, but you will need the netting to attach the rhinestones.

The photographs below are taken with my leotard and tutu on a duct tape body form I made out of myself.  Having the duct tape body form really help in the design and construction process. It allows you to place your trim on the tutu and know exactly what it is going to look like.  The first step is to decide how much of the netting material you are going to use and how far down you want the feathers to be on your tutu.  I took my 2 yards strung feather hackle and cut into several larger strips. I would say about four inches in length.  I used about four hackle pads to cover the satin strips of the strung hackle pads. After I had all my feather pieces, I covered my tutu with some white gossmer fabric and a layer of wax paper to protect the organza overlay.  At this point in time, the net and organza overlay are pinned to the tutu.  Once my tutu was protected, I began gluing down the strung hackle pads.  I did two rows of strung hackle, which you can see in the images below.  The I covered up the satin with the black hackle pads. Hot glue isn’t the most elegant thing to use, but it sure did save me a lot of time.

Black Swan Tutu Feathers Preparation

Net fabric used for feathers and rhinestones

Deciding how far down I want my feathers

Designing the feather placement

White Gossmer fabric to protect

Wax paper for tutu protection

Net Fabric in place for feathers

Black Swan Strung Hackle Feathers Left Side

Deciding the first row placement

Gluing down the 1st Row 1st piece

Gluing down 1st Row 2nd Piece

Gluing down second row First Piece.

Finishing off second row feathers

Finished Gluing Strung Hackle

Black Swan Hackle Pads Left Side

Below you will see I didn’t like the gap in the hackle pad and strung hackle. So I snipped off a small piece of the strung hackle and glued it to the black hackle pad before adding it to the tutu.

First hackle pad placement.

Placement of the extra strung hackle

Filling in my empty spot with a little extra

After Gluing, flip over and hold down

2nd Hackle Pad (3rd covers last section)

All finished and ready to remove wax paper

Underside of the feathers after wax paper is removed

Black Swan Tutu Feathers Left Finished

Black Swan Tutu Feathers Right, Bridcage veiling, and rhinestones coming next weekend…..Comment made on Sept 18th — Sorry I wasnt able to update this past weekend…will try again this weekend.

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Black Swan Tiara -- Photo by Sean Alderman - SciFiAnimeHeroes.com

I made two tiaras for a Black Swan Cosplay Costume for DragonCon 2011. Below you will find out how I did it. The Black Swan photo to the left was taken by Sean Alderman – SciFiAnimeHeroes.com at DragonCon 2011. In that image, the tiara was place a little to far back on my head. Later during DragonCon, I moved it up and more horizontal.

Since I don’t have any skills with metal working–melting, molding, burning–I have decided to work with a different material, molding clay. I will use metal wire, an air dry clay, and paint to simulate the look of metal.  Then apply the crystals after they have been set in metal findings.

The molding clay I have picked can be painted, carved, sanded, and polished after it dries. It will also stick to metal, which is important because I am building the frame out of wire metal. Also the clay is light weight and has turned out to be surprisingly strong.  I know the picture shows Aluminum spray paint. I do not recommend this after testing.  Instead get a black metallic spray paint and a metallic gray acrylic paint.  First spray on a base of black and use the gray has highlights over the black paint.  The Aluminum spray paint has a weird texture, which does not apply nicely to the clay. After painting your base, I recommend using a glossy clear coat to finish. Do this before adding your crystals.  More on that later….pictures coming after Dragon*Con…

The first step in creating the Tiara was to created small, mangled looking pieces of clay.  While the clay is drying, you can create the wire base for the Tiara.  I took Black 18 gauge aluminum wire and shaped it around the crown of my head where I estimated the Black Swan crown was placed.  There is a slight dip in the sides of the crown; you can see this in the references images I provided. Once the clay had dried, I took another thinner gauged piece of wire and created the center point.  About one inch from the top of the center point I took another piece of this wire and created a triangle and anchored it down to the sides.  This provides some support while you are starting your tiara.  I took un-dried clay and styled the center piece and let that dry for 24 hours.  The next part I took un-dried clay and started to build of the sides according an image I had of the tiara.  You will notice that there is a bend in the tiara coming of the side. I did not bend the wire.  Instead I shaped the clay over the wire (the wire is not inside the clay).  After I was finished with the tiara, I clipped those exposed pieces of wire leaving a nice arch in the clay.  After these had dried, I start using the small pieces of clay and gluing them to the rest of the tiara. I start from the center and work around to the sides.  The glue has to set at least 24 hours.  So, I was only able to add a couple pieces a night. There are at least 30 individual pieces of clay that comprise these tiaras. There are at least 16 pieces of clay show in the image “Black Swan Tiara Front Finished.”

Supplies for the Black Swan Tiara

Dried, mangled clay pieces for tiara.

Tiara base with un-dried clay up center

Black Swan Tiara with Front Finished

Black Swan Tiara with Sides Finished

Closer Side View of Black Swan Tiara

After all the glue has dried, you can paint your tiara. I picked a metallic black spray paint as a base. Spray the whole thing and let it dry. Then take a coat of gun metal gray acrylic paint and paint over the top. I diluted this paint with water in some places in order to have some black show through. When this coat was finished drying, I used black acrylic paint to add shading. Then finished it off with several coats of acrylic gloss spray paint.

I used Swarovski crystals in clear and black as well as some pointed beads. The Swarovski crystals need to be set in metal fittings in order to be attached to the tiara. The only metal fittings I could find were gold in tone; thus, they had to be painted black. I used wire and or clay to provide an attachment point to the tiara. The crystals that used clay were glued to the tiara base; some were wired depending on their position. After everything dried, I painted the white clay with black then gun metal gray so it matched the rest of the tiara. The results follow with the exception I had yet to paint the white clay attachment points for the crystals.

Black Swan Tiara Right

Black Swan Tiara Center

Black Swan Tiara Left

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Jerri as Black Swan for DragonCon 2011

I first thought about doing the Black Swan costume back during Fanaticon, a small convention in Asheville, NC.  I started organizing the idea and thought it would make a great project for the upcoming DragonCon–seeing I missed doing it for Fanaticon.  I started this blog post and by doing so met my partner in crime, Lori Bair. She encouraged me to come to DragonCon as Black Swan.  In the end we decided that our costumes should look as similiar as possible because we decided to come as Sarah Lane/Natalie Portman.

This costume re-construction and design material selection I did.  I purchased and selected all the costumes design materials except for the base.  Ironically, Lori and I had purchased the same base–a professionally made rehearsal tutu and Mondor bodice from tutu.com.  Some of these materials were very hard to find.  The tiaras and buntoppers were all handmade by me.  Lori and I met one weekend where I detailed out the construction plans and did as much sewing as we could.  We embellished and sewed each of our tutus separately using the materials I sourced. Over the next two months, it was a flurry of emails, text messages and phone calls to finalize our costumes.  The end results are pretty spectacular, at least, in my opinion.

If you are trying to go as movie accurate as possible, I would like to warn you.  This project is very time consuming and costly.  Furthermore, strutting around in a tutu for nine hours is not an easy task.  My costume suffered a lot of damage at DragonCon, which will have to be repaired before the next Con.  I was planning on entering this costume in the Costuming contest (not the Masquerade); however, we arrived at the con to late on Friday to do so.  Lori, however, was able to enter DragonCon’s 2011 Masquerade contest and win Best Movie Costume and the Fuze award for her comical skit of classical ballet mix with popular dance.

Materials

1. Pointe Shoes: $0.00 / I already own several pairs (for others reference $60.00-$90.00) Or you could go for the fake pointe shoe look (as Portman did numerous times in the movie) by purchasing a demi-pointe shoe ($50.00) or a satin ballet slipper $16.00 and sewing ribbons to it. $3.00.  Don’t forget to learn how to sew the ribbons on correct, and tie the shoe properly.  I DO NOT RECOMMEND someone with no pointe experience going out and buying pointe shoes for your costume.  You can really HURT yourself; plus, the shoes ARE NOT comfortable to walk around in.  Be smart and do the satin ballet slippers. You can always find pink satin ballet slippers.  Try Freed of London’s opera slippers.
2. Pink Tights: $0.00 / I already own several pairs (for others’ reference $16.00)
3. Tutu: $108.00 / $58.00 Tutu Skirt (Bloch Pull-on Rehearsal Tutu) / $50.00 Tutu Bodice (Mondor Bodice)
4. Tutu Embellishments: ~$150.00 / I bought some really nice fabric for the bodice, black shimmer organza, and some standard black net for the rhinestone appliques and feather embellishment.  I advise getting more feathers than you need. I purchased 2 yards of string black hackle and 12 black hackle pads; I think I am going to have just enough to finish the tutu. The rhinestones are expensive if you are going with Swarvoski, which I did.  I would say for the
5. Veiling: ~$25.00 / You will want to get around 4 yards of veiling which will work for both the tutu and the face. You tutu width will determine the width of the veiling you will need to buy.  My tutu width is 14′; thus, I had to choose the 18′ width veiling.
6. Crown: ~$150.00 After purchasing clay, glue, wire, rhinestones, spray paint, gloss, and acrylic paints I would estimate spending around this amount.  Just for reference it takes about two weeks to make the crown.  You have to do this in stages because the clay has to dry, the glue has to set, and each coat of paint must dry.
7. Bun Topper: Included in price above.
8. Make-up: $100.00 I went all out and bought Ben Nye stage make-up.  Because I wasn’t sure of my exact skin tone and other needs, I went ahead and bought a student kit, along with a couple brushes, metallic creme make-up, and of course some final set for the make-up so it doesn’t go melting off my face throughout the day.
9. Hair Supplies: $20.00 / Hair Spray, Rubber Bands, Hair Net (goes around the bun), Hair pins/Bobby Pins, fake bun supplies.
10. Contact Lenses: $320.00 if you want to go totally crazy and have the Black Swan Eyes too.

Reference Images/Videos

• Good videos with close-ups of the costume are located here
• Reference images are located on this page

The Black Swan Tiara

You can find out more on how to make your tiara on this post:  How to make a Black Swan Tiara

Black Swan Tiara Right

Black Swan Tiara Center

Black Swan Tiara Left

Tutu Creation

View step-by-step how to make your Black Swan Tutu

Black Swan Tutu Feathers Left

Black Swan Tutu Rhinestones

Black Swan Tutu Right

Bodice Creation

I am using a Mondor leotard as a base.  Because the material is Lycra, which means it stretches, I have created a duct tape mummy of my torso.  This allows me to put the leotard on the body form and apply all the design elements to it without worrying about having fabric and rhinestones rip off once I try to put it on my body.  This is a awesome tutorial on how to create a duct tape body form.

DragonCon 2011 Black Swan Photographs

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Click on thumbnails to view larger images

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The feathers are wrong. Click to see comparison.

I am making a cosplay costume for Black Swan. During this research, I have watched this movie several times. Out of the numerous times I have watched this movie, I never noticed how the Black Swan coda turns have been reversed. Sarah Lane does not perform her pique and foutee turns to the left. This was done to the right. You can tell by looking at Nina’s costume. The feathers on the bodice are on the left instead of the right, and it appears that the tiara is reversed as well. It looks like the effect team took the footage and mirrored it horizontally.

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Portman being helped into her Black Swan Tutu

Recently, I started thinking about making my own Black Swan costume from the movie Black Swan for cosplay.  If I went with a traditional ballet tutu, I wouldn’t be able to put it on myself.  The reason being is, much like a corset, a tutu has a series of hooks and bars on the back which keep the costume pulled tight to the body.  After realizing this, I started thinking about the movie and how to interpret the ending based off of this one simple fact:  Nina couldn’t have changed costumes by herself.  Someone had to be in her dressing room to help her. See the image to the left.  That is how someone helps you get into your tutu.

Also of note, generally you are told to put your makeup on before getting into your costume, not after. This keeps makeup from getting on the costume.  Usually, getting into your costume is the last thing you are going to do.

Another note, as Nina is dancing the role of Black Swan there is no stab puncture in the Black Swan costume. Either she didn’t stab anyone at all, or she didn’t stab the Black Swan Costume.  If she didn’t stab anyone in the black tutu, then she must have stabbed herself in the White Swan costume.  If this is true, the wardrobe mistress would definitely noticed blood in the white swan costume.

Another observation, it seems unlikely to stab yourself with a mirror shard and leave your hands uncut.

Nina comes off stage as the White Swan and sees Lilly/herself in the Black Swan costume.  It is my opinion that she changed into the Black Swan costume before she started hallucinating stabbing Lilly/herself.  The movie uses mirrors heavily. One could say that she saw herself dressed in the mirror as the Black Swan, and her inner White Swan self had to fight to change to become the Black Swan–that she had to change internally to fit the image she was seeing in the mirror–herself dressed up as the Black Swan. Thus, breaking of the mirror symbolizes the break in Nina’s mind. There is no way she could have changed into the Black  Swan costume and do her Black Swan make-up in five minutes before the Black Swan entrance (as one of the stage crew members indicates in the movie).

When she comes back off stage fully transformed as the Black Swan, how was she to return to the innocent White Swan?  She also had to hallucinate dying. Basically she transforms herself into the White Swan that must die at the end of the ballet by imagining that she was stabbed.  Now she could perform the role of the White Swan that must jump to her death.

No matter which character was stabbed, someone helping her into and out of a costume would have noticed blood or shards of glass.  We were shown that the blood coming out of the shower stall really wasn’t there.  So we could assume that the broken glass wasn’t there either.

Thus, anything that has to do with stabbing herself, bleeding, or killing Lilly all was a part of her psychosis.  It didn’t happen.  When the White Swan jumps to her death in the end, I think Nina probably passes out or hallucinates  the director calling her “Little Princess” and everyone clapping all around her.  She secretly wanted to be his “Little Princess” and have everyone clapping for her awesome performance–sounds a bit like a fantasy, no?  I think she was totally out of it.  Nina did not die at the end; she succumbed to her mental breakdown completely and fully.

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Getting your date formatted as month, day, year, and time right of our phpMySql, you would need to create the following query.

This

SELECT * from your_table_name;

Now becomes

SELECT DATE_FORMAT(your_date_field, '%c/%e/%Y %r' ) AS name_your_formatted_fields FROM your_table_name;

The DATE_FORMAT function has many options from which you can choose.  In this example we are exporting the date as month, day, year, hour, minutes, seconds, and AM or PM.  Here is the DATE_FORMAT reference for mysql should you wish to use another format.

To do this in phpMyAdmin, you would first go to the SQL tab option and type in the query you wish to use. Then you would execute the query by clicking the

After the query is executed, there will be an option at the bottom of the first page query results called Export.  You may click this button to export your query results.

Clicking Export will take you to the familiar export screen where you can go about the usual process of selecting which export format you wish to have your data.

Once you have your data in Microsoft Excel, you will note the typical problem with the date fields.  Microsoft formats the date field for you as text.

The first field above shows what happens if you double click within the cell. Microsoft Excel will format the field correctly as a date field.  This would be very cumbersome to do with every row in the workbook.  You can apply this formatting to all the cells in column N, however, by doing the following.

Select Data from the Ribbon–shown above.  Select the entire column you wish to format at once.  Click on the Text to Columns option. The Convert Text to Column Wizard – Step 1 of 3 window will appear.  Click  the next button twice.  You will see the option to format the column (see image below).  In the Column data format, choose Date.  If you did not use the DATE_FORMAT function this is where you would change MDY to YMD.

Click the Finish button. You will see Microsoft has formatted all the rows with the date format.

Now you can use the format option by right clicking the date fields and selecting whatever format in which you wish to have your date formatted.

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Ranston Estate built by Thomas Ryves

Randleston was purchased by Robert Ryves in the 36th year of Henry VIII’s rule (1545).  I have seen several websites which show a picture of the current manor on the site; however, this research indicates that the current site was built by Thomas Ryves.

From Parks and Garden of UK’s website

Brief history of site

The old manor house stood in the north-west corner of the park. It was demolished in the early 18th century, and in 1753 a new house was constructed for Thomas Ryves, possibly to his own design. The park was developed in the 1760s and 1770s as a setting for this new house. After 1781, the east front of Ranston was cased in stone and a pair of symmetrical single-storey wings were added in 1808.

…..

LOCATION, AREA, BOUNDARIES, LANDFORM, SETTING

Ranston is situated at the southern end of the village of Iwerne Courtney, about 5.5 kilometres north-west of Blandford Forum. The site, which occupies about 52 hectares, is divided by the A350 road which leads north from Blandford to Warminster. This road forms, in part, the southern boundary of the site, while to the north-west the boundary is formed by the village street of Iwerne Courtney. Elsewhere the site adjoins agricultural land from which it is divided by a variety of fences and hedges. Ranston lies in the undulating valley of the River Iwerne, which flows from north to south through the site. To the west of the house the ground rises gently, while to the east the valley side is steeper. To the south the Ranston estate adjoins that of Stepleton House.

….

The following is from the English Heritage Register of Parks and Gardens of Special Historic Interest.

HISTORIC DEVELOPMENT

The manor of Iwerne Courtney or Shroton was acquired in 1545 by Robert Ryves of Blandford, Dorset, and it remained with his descendants until 1781. The old manor house stood in the north-west corner of the park, adjacent to the parish church of St Mary. This house was demolished in the early 18th century, and in 1753 a new house was constructed for Thomas Ryves, possibly to his own design. The park was developed in the 1760s and 1770s as a setting for this new house.

When the estate was sold in 1781, it was purchased by Peter William Baker, agent to Mr Portman of Bryanston, Dorset. Baker was instrumental in the development of the Portman Estate in Marylebone, London, with Baker Street being named in his honour (Oswald 1959). Baker had the east front of Ranston cased in stone and added a pair of symmetrical single-storey wings in 1808. Peter William Baker died in 1814, and the estate passed to his cousin, Sir Edward Littlehayes, who adopted the name of Baker. The house was remodelled in 1961-1963 by Louis Osman, and new gardens in the vicinity of the house were laid out at the same period.

Other interesting information I have found on Ranston

Ranston Estate Owner Article

Article talking about the passing of the Selina Fleming:  Selina Gibson Fleming inherited the estate’s grade I listed Ranston manor house from her father, Sir Randolf Baker in 1959. –> Read More

Ranston Estate Photograph

Ranston Estate on Flicker: A very nice up-close photograph of Ranston Estate

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28 Shots for Sarah Lane

The Internet Movie Database says the following:

There are 139 dance shots in the film. Out of the 139, 111 are untouched shots of Natalie Portman and the remaining 28 are her dance double, Sarah Lane. Of the shots in which Lane is featured, 26 of the 28 are wide shots and rarely appear on screen longer than one second. The two remaining shots required digital face replacement so the audience sees Portman’s face instead of Lane’s.

How true is this?  What shots are Sarah Lane in? Check out the images below to see.  Clicking the thumbnail will give you a larger image. I came up with this information by using the scenes I could identify as a double from my Black Swan dance scene analysis.

Shot 1

Shot 2 / 1 CGI FR

Shot 3 / 2 CGI FR

Shot 4

Shot 5 / 4 CGI

Shot 6 & 8* / 3 CGI FR

Shot 7

Shot 9

Shot 10

Shot 11

Shot 12

Shot 13

Shot 14

Shot 15

Shot 16

Shot 17

Shot 18

Shot 19

Shot 20

Shot 21

Shot 22

Shot 23

Shot 24

Shot 25 / 4 CGI FR

Shot 26

Shot 27

Shot 28

• Shot 2: starts on feet then dancer sits down.  CGI Face Replacement is on the dancer’s face as she sits down
• Shot 6 & 8: The fouettes start out with full body, then focuses on the feet, then switches back to the full body.  I only had one image of the fouettes for shot six and am using it to represent Shot 8 as well
• There are 24 Full Body Shots

Does this jive with the statement?

• 26 of the 28 are wide shots: I count 21 wide shots (1, 3, 5, 9, 10, 11, 12 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 28).
• two remaining shots required digital face replacement: well that is totally weird.  Could this be referring to Shot 2 and Shot 6 & 8 (grouping 6 and 8 together)? Nonetheless, it is missing the other CGI effects that were in “wide-shots” (shot 3 and 25).
• What about the 4 tight shots of the feet Shot 4, 7, 19, & 27 (not including the foot work included in shot 2, accounted for above in the CGI effects).
• Personally, I felt Shot 9 was a different double (until the camera angle changes at which point it looks like Lane).  I wonder if any computer magic was used here?

What about the remaining shots of the feet and one fall during a dance shot, which were also a double?

These are images I gave to Portman’s double; that are not included in anything above.  Furthermore, there are several dance shots that don’t have Nina in it at all.  There are three I can think of right away: in the company class scene there are several shots that do not have Nina, when Lilly is rehearsing and the director talks about her dancing to Nina, when Lilly is filling in for Nina when Nina is late to rehearsal.  Furthermore, does he count shots in which there is dancing, however the character Nina is not dancing at all, such as when she is standing back stage watching the four swans dance?

Feet from when Black Swan kisses director

White Swan Falling from Lift

Swan Arm Practice

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View the complete review of Black Swan’s dancing scene by scene

These numbers are not:

1. An indication of who should receive more credit
2. An indication of who, if anyone, was cheated
3. An attempt to down Portman’s performance in the movie
4. An attempt to discredit Portman’s dedication and training for the Black Swan
5. An attempt to vindicate or put down  Sara Lane

What these numbers are:

1. A representation of what I saw in the movie: who was dancing, how it was being filmed, how long they were dancing
2. A best estimate of time for each dancer’s efforts.  I didn’t use a stop watch or go frame by frame of the movie.  I got as close as I could and tried to be fair to any dancer that was on the screen.

My thoughts

I wrote about Black Swan to explore my experience of the film and the media surrounding the film. I do think the media emphasized the training/preparation aspect too much, which led some people to have an impression that more of this movie’s ballet scenes have Portman dancing like a professional dancer. Were we lied to? Depends on how you see it, but if you see manipulation of the truth in order to better increase an image, they did lie.

This is actually a different opinion than I started out with.  Reason being, the more I viewed and researched the film, the more I realized how much I didn’t see the first time and what comments were suppose to do to our perception of the actresses’ dancing. One example:  Portman and Kunis not wearing pointe shoes but wearing ballet slippers instead

By making comments such as “You know, It takes 20 years to become a ballet dancer, and she had a year to pull it off and she did it” or downplaying the role of doubles by asserting they only did the complex footwork or long dance sequences; they left enough room in the public’s mind to believe what they wanted.  Add a little CGI, which is totally realistic, filming that hides the dancer’s technical inadequacies, choreography to the dancer’s skill level, and some dance doubles and people who don’t know any better can come out of the movie theater thinking Portman is a ballet dancer.

Why do this? The actresses and/or film may have been labeled a joke if the dance performances were mediocre. It is all about illusion; and I feel they supplied us just enough illusion to believe Natalie Portman (and others) trained so much that they “pulled it off.” Really the whole crew pulled it off, and I give everyone one of them credit of making the actresses and movie creditable.  Kudos to a collaboration that make a very real illusion.

I have read a lot of comments that say there is nothing to say because in interviews cast members and crew do talk about dance doubles; that anyone would realize that Portman had a double; or that no one thinks someone can become a professional dancer in a year.  I feel that is giving a lot a credit to a general population who has little knowledge of ballet.  Are we assuming someone who has never seen a ballet would be able to tell the difference between which was a double and which was the actress?  I feel the answer is yes, we are making this assumption. Would the general population know what foutee turns, long pointe scenes, or complex stuff is?  Maybe the turns, but how would they know what the speaker means by “complex” or “long.”  Being vague could play both ways: (1) people could assume everything not of Portman’s upper body was a double or (2)  just the things in the movie that were turns, that were deemed by the viewer as long scenes in pointe shoes, or deemed complex were the double.

"I love her position in this scene. Wow! Powerful and beautiful."

Is this image suppose to be Natalie Portman? I highly doubt it folks.

Just to substantiate my point here, following are two images from a Facebook page for Natalie Portman.  Each both seem to imply the poster thinks the person in the image is Portman. People are taking images out of the movie and spreading them around as Portman, when it could be the double.  People are asking on news boards why Natalie, not Nina, did that stuff to her pointe shoes (which BTW that was a double too)?  This perpetuates the the image that Portman became a professional level dancer in 1 year.

This isn’t just a problem with Black Swan.  It seems to be a growing problem in film.  Take for example The Other Boleyn Girl or the Tudors (two things I love).  These historical fictions are being taken by some as historical fact.  That is really sad.  It just goes to show you how many people are too lazy, uneducated, or just don’t care enough to invest the time to find out the facts.  It seems we are finding it easier to live the illusion than the reality.

The answer is simple, or so it seems:  turn off the TV, open a book, ask questions, get involved, and get real.

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Click to see post images in an overlay

It is my goal in this blog to give my personal assessment of the dance scenes in Black Swan. I feel that the percentages that have proliferated the internet about who is doing what have no real meaning for anyone.   I don’t think anyone really knows to what someone is referring when they speak of dance shots, pointe work, ballet dancing, or full body shots.  It is my goal to review the movie and provide my own calculations with all the details of how I made those calculations and for what it stands. These are my own opinions and assessments and may contain error.  I welcome those who wish to point out my mistakes or provide additional insights.  This isn’t a blog about undue credit, but a blog to explore one person’s perception of the dancing, movie, and its marketing.

It am listing out the dance scenes below and hypothesize which dancer is being filmed.  Please note:  I know there was another stunt double for Natalie.  It is possible that some of the credit I may give her should go to Kimberly Prosa. Prosa states in the article linked to her name, “Natalie took class, she studied for several months, from the waist up is her. Sarah Lane a soloist at ABT, did the heavy tricks, she did the fouéttes, but they only had her for a limited time, a couple of weeks, so I did the rest of whatever dance shots they needed.”  Sorry, in advance if I say Sarah Lane and it really was you!

I already expect to see more time of Natalie “dancing” than of Sarah.  It is logical.  How much of this dancing is upper body only or spotting?  How much of it is what dancer’s would call dancing–such as the rehearsal of the Black Swan on Stage / “Again” scene. That scene was all Portman dancing, and you could easily tell. (Not bad for someone who only trained a year!).

What I am trying to calculate

• Total time spent “dancing” in the film
• Total time Natalie spent dancing subdivided by Full Body, Upper Body Only, time on Pointe
• Total time Sarah Lane spent dancing
• Number or dance scenes using a double verses those with none.

Forseen Issues

• Time on pointe is going to be difficult to calculate.  This is because Portman may be on pointe but filmed from the waist up (as in the prologue scene).  In addition, the video editors have added pointe sounds to the video when Portman isn’t really on pointe (as in the audition scene when Portman is doing the White Swan variation.  There is a shot of Portman in the mirror clearly not on pointe, though there are pointe sounds).
• Time on pointe is only counted when Portman is actually standing on her toes, not just wearing pointe shoes.  A one-year student wearing pointe shoes in class but not actually doing “actual” pointe work can’t say they dance en pointe.
• Defining dancing.  I will for the sake of this calculation count Portman’s video of spotting as dancing.  Though, in actuality it isn’t.  I have absolutely no idea what she is doing with her body when she is spottting (quick whipping of the head when turning).  I will assume that Portman is doing all the related footwork when film is only showing upper body.
• In the age of digital editing…who knows what is “real”?

I am in no way stating this as actual fact–these are my opinions only. All times are estimates. And sometimes you will see Lane credited when it should have been just “double” (Prosa)

Preface | Portman’s Real Ballet Skils

These are some snapshots of video I found that are clearly Natalie Portman.  I think she looks mighty fine to have only trained for a year, but in no way would I or even she claim to look professional.  Her feet aren’t that great; she doesn’t appear to have the strength to keep them well pointed, but that is understandable.  They aren’t that badly arched; though she tends to sickle her foot a tad (definately doesn’t have those pretty winged feet you see in the film).  She has excellent carriage. She is adequately flexible, but her back seems to lack the strength and/or flexibility to get her leg up any higher than demi-hauteur. I don’t think that she can’t, but she might throw off the perfect upper body if she did.  She coordinates her head and arms very well.

I don’t think her skills are bad for the amount of training she has had, as some articles might lead you to believe.  She probably won’t be featured in _any_ ballet company’s version of Swan Lake solely based on her ballet skills, but that isn’t the point–she is an actress not a ballerina.  She acts the role of a ballerina damn well in my opinion–well deserving of the Oscar she received.

Click on Gallery Image to see sub-images

Natalie in Class

Other images

Rehearsing Pas de Duex

1 Prologue

Time Index: 1:16 to 3:24

• Double: Yes
• Portman: Yes
• Pointe Work: Yes
• CGI: Yes

What I saw:

• 1:17 -1:48 | Sarah (I originally was going to give the first 10 seconds to Natalie, but after further review, I am giving it to Sarah.
• 1:49-1:56 | Face Replacement.  This is confirmed by the DVD extras
• 1:56-3:22 | Natalie — Lots of filming from the waist up scene ends with Portman on pointe doing bourees, in a very foggy atmosphere.

Break Down (approximate):

• Time Spent Dancing:  2:08
• Natalie:   1:29
  • o:75 Upper Body
  • 0:14 Full Body counts when camera gets below tutu
  • 0:34 Pointe Work if upperbody camera work was done on pointe, otherwise…take off a lot of seconds. I am giving full credit for all because choreographer said 85 seconds of point work, but I really only can guess she was doing bourees for the 34
• Sarah: ~0:39 including sitting down

Scene Summary:  Of the 128 seconds spend dancing, Natalie was seen 69.5% of the time.  Of that percentage, 84% was filmed from the upper body and 16% full body (when camera gets below tutu) only and 38% of it was on pointe–speculating to her advantage to the fact that she was on point or not. Sarah Lane performed 30.5% of the time.

Natalie Portman 69.5% (84% U, 16% F, 39% P) | Sarah Lane 30.5%

Sarah Lane in the Prologue

CGI Head Replacement

Portman in the Prologue

(Not Counted) Stretching at Home

Time Index: 3:46 to 4:20

This is when Natalie is recalling her dream to her mother.  Though, I don’t consider this dancing I will include it for review only and not calculate in the final amounts.

Break Down

• Time Spent “Dancing”:  0:12.5 seconds
• 100% goes to Natalie

Natalie 6 o'clock stretch

Check out the shape of her foot and leg.  I think that is important.  Nice flexibility, though it is more of a yoga pose than a 6 o’clock stretch.

2 Company Class

Time Index: 7:49 to 11:13

• Double: No
• Portman: yes
• Pointe work: no
• CGI: No

What I saw:

• 7:49-8:22 Actual Dancing | Upper Body with a couple seconds of full body
• 8:36-9:58 Actual Dancing | Upper Body only
• 11:07-11:12 Actual Dancing | Upper Body with a couple seconds of full body
• I am not including the putting on pointe shoes and stretching feet that comes just before the class scene.
• Funny they show her putting on pointe shoes before company class, but she is not wearing them in the very next scene.

Break Down:

• Time Spent Dancing: 2:05.0
• Natalie:  1:09.7 | 0:57.0 Upper Body | 0:12.0 Full Body |0:0.0 Pointe Work

Scene Summary: of the 123 seconds of dancing Portman danced 100%, though only appearing in the scene 56% of the time).  Of this 56%, the upper body 0nly was shown 82% and full body 17%.  Pointe work attributed to 0%.  I would like to add that Portman was dancing the whole two minutes of this scene; however, we did not see it.  I am only including time you can actually see someone dancing.

Portman 56% (82% U, 17% F, 0% P) | Other dancers 44%

Click on the image below to see more from the Company Class Scene

Portman in Company Class

3 Swan Queen Audition

Time Index: 12:52-15:04

• Double: Yes
• Portman: Yes
• Pointe Work: No
• CGI: Yes

What I saw:

• 12:52-13:08 | Portman is filmed from the upper body only; however, the reflections show the full body.  Ironically, it is these reflections that reveal Portman is not dancing en pointe as the sounds in the movie would lead you to believe.
• 13:09-13:22 | Face Replacement confirmed by DVD Fx section Sarah Lane.  This is all the pointe work.  Even without the FX video revealing the face replacement, you can tell by looking at the legs.
• 13:22-13:26 | Shows Portman finishing the variation (2 seconds).
• Not counting her walking to prepare for the Black Swan coda or feet stretching as dancing.
• 14:00-14:22 | Black Swan Coda switches from Natalie spotting to Lane turning and the director giving corrections.  — About half of this time you see dancing, but most likely dancing is occurring. Remember I am not counting dance time off film that you cannot see (or confirm).

Break Down:

• Natalie 26.3 seconds | 26.3 Upper Body | 0 Full Body | 0 Pointe Work
• Lane 0.13 seconds

Scene Summary: Of the 43 calculated seconds (this is more than actual because they shared seconds there is about 32 actual dancing seconds.  They share seconds during the turns, so I gave them one second credit for both). Portman danced 58%, 100% filmed of the upper body, 0% full body, and 0% Pointe work. Lane performed 42%.

Portman 58% (100% U, 0% F, 0%P) | Lane 42%

Portman not dancing en pointe

CGI Face Replacement in Combination

Black Swan Coda Turning Sequence

4 Coda Practice at Home

Time Index: 16:31-17:38

• Double: Yes
• Portman: Yes
• Pointe Work: No
• CGI: Yes

What I saw:

• 16:31-17:00 I am not calling this dancing.  Putting on your pointe shoes is not dancing
• 17:00-17:22 Foutte turns alternating between Portman’s head and Lane’s feet
• I am really having a hard time calling the shots of spotting dance, but nevertheless, I have to count it. For all I know she used that box shown in the dvd extras to step up and turn around and not do a “ballet” turn at all.  But that is what too much speculation.
• Taking off pointe shoes not included in dance time either

Break Down:

• Natalie: 0:12 | 0:12 Upper Body | 0 Full Body | 0 Pointe Work
• Sarah: 0:10

Of the 22 seconds of dancing time, Natalie performed 55% with only the upper body (actually head) being shown.  Sarah performed 45% of the time.

Portman 55% (100% U, 0% F, 0% P) | Lane 45%

Is this considered dancing?

Portman's Dancing was spotting

Lane's Contribution foutees

5 White Swan Rehearsal

Time Index: 26:32-28:01

• Double: No
• Portman: Yes
• Pointe Work: No
• CGI: No

What I saw:

• 26:32-27:31 Portman doing well with the upper body moves of the vulnerable White Swan

Break Down:

• Natalie:  01:02 | 1:02 Upper Body | 0 Full Body | 0 pointe work

Scene Summary: Of the 62 seconds of dancing time, Natalie did 100% of the dancing.  Of which, 100% was shot of the upper body and there was 0% full body or pointe work.

Natalie 100% (100% U, 0% F, 0% P) | 0% Lane/Double

Portman dances 100%

Lovely Swan Arms

Only Upper Body Filming

6 Wing Practice

Time Index: 28:03-28:41

• Double: Yes
• Portman: Yes
• Pointe Work: No
• CGI: No

What I saw:

• 28:03-28:11 Portman practicing arms with instructor
• 28:12-28:21 Dance Double (I’m calling Sarah Lane, but it could be Kimberly Prosa)
• 28:22-28:41 Portman again practicing swan arms with instructor

Break Down:

• Natalie: 0:27 | 0:27 Upper Body | 0 Full Body | 0 Pointe Work
• Sarah (double): 0:09

Scene Summary: of the 36 seconds of dancing, Portman danced 75% of the time. 100% of that was filmed of the upper body, whereas 0% was full body or pointe work.  A dance double performed 25%, all of the pointe work

Natalie 75% (100% U, 0% F, 0% P) | Lane/Double 25%

Double's Footwork

7 On Stage Class Center Work

Time Index: 40:39-41:21

• Double: No
• Portman Yes
• Pointe Work: No
• CGI: No

What I saw:

• 40:39 Ballet class grand allegro starts panned out
• 40:50 Natalie begins to dance (I start counting when she is getting ready for the combination…see image
• 41:02 Natalie is done with the combination and I stop counting dance time because everyone is running to the center to find out about Beth.

Break Down:

• Natalie: 0:12 | 0:12 Upper Body | 0:00 Full body | 0:00 Pointe work
• Other Dancers: 0:11

Scene Summary: Of the 23 seconds of total dance time, Portman was in 52% of the scene.  100% was filmed of the upper body and there 0% of pointe work.  The other 48% of the scene featured other company dancers performing class work.

Portman 52% (100% U, 0% F, 0% P) | Other Dancers 48%

Dance time calculation started around here

Portman, Beautiful and Believable

Upper body the whole time

8 Black Swan Rehearsal/ Hair Down

Time Index: 45:38-45:57

• Double:  No
• Portman: Yes
• Pointe Work:  No
• CGI: No

What I saw:

• 45:38-45:57 lots of close ups.  Since I could see her feet in a couple lifts she gets about 2 seconds of full body credit, though those frames were obscured by the ballet director.
• No pointe shoes!  In the lift, you see she is wearing ballet slippers.

Break Down:

• Natalie: 0:19 | 0:17 Upper Body | 0:02 Full Body |  0 Pointe Work

Scene summary: of the 19 seconds of dance, Portman was in 100% of the scene. 89% of the scene was upper body only and 12% was full body (this was a generous offering). 0% was on pointe.

Portman 100% (89% U, 12 % F, 0% F) | 0% Lane/Double

More of Portman upper body only

Those do not look like pointe shoes

Another view of the foot in slippers

9 Black Swan Rehearsal | “I’ll be the Prince….”

There is something weird in the scene.  While I watch it I couldn’t help think there was something weird going on in the mirrors.  I think the dancer in the mirror isn’t the same as the dancer dancing and/or, it could be two separate takes spliced together.

Time Index: 46:36-4927

• Double: Yes
• Portman: Yes
• Pointe work: No
• CGI: Maybe, not face replacement…mirror tricks

What I saw:

• 46:36-46:49:  Filmed of the mirror; this must be a double look at the legs and feet. Then changes to a long shot of the double. Then changes view again of the double doing a lift.
• 46:50-46:54:  Portman is shown coming out of the lift in the mirror behind the director, blurry to in-focus.  She is not wearing pointe shoes.
• 46:55-47:47: Ballet director harasses Nina.  Since this is dialogue it is not included in total time
• 47:48-48:16: Portman starts dancing with the director
• 48:17-48:21: Camera angle changes during the lift. We are now seeing a double.  Or are we….this may be Portman in the lift and by the time she makes it to the ground they have switched her out…I am saying this because there is something strange with the mirrors in this segment.  The dancer in the mirror doesn’t match the dancer.
• 48:22-48:22:  Portman filmed coming out of a lift again.  Time is calculated to end of kiss.

Break Down:

• Natalie: 0:32 | 0:30 Upper Body | 0:02 Full Body | 0:00 Pointe work
• Lane/Double: 0:27

Scene Summary: Of the 49 seconds of total dance time, Natalie was in 54% of the shots.  94% was filmed of the upper body/ 6% Full body. There was 0% pointe work.  Lane, which I actually think some of this dancing was Natalie’s other double Prosa, was seen in 46% of the shots.

Portman 54% (96% U, 6% F, 0% P) | Lane/Double 46%

Scene starts with double Click to view more

Portman Comes In with No Pointe Shoes

After lights on/off NP starts dancing again

We are back to a double now

Portman coming back into the scene

These dancer's don't match | Click to see more

10 Black Swan Rehearsal on Stage/”Again”

If you are interested in seeing Natalie Portman dancing, this is the scene for you.  She appears her in pointe shoes, dancing full out, and you can see her whole body.

Time Index: 52:37-54:34

• Double: No
• Portman: Yes
• Pointe Work: Yes, one fifth position into a slide in fifth with partner.
• CGI: No

What I Saw:

• 52:37-52:50 Blurry shot of Portman dancing with ballet director focused in the back this is counted as dance time.
• 52:50-53:01 No Dancing
• 53:02-53:38 Full body shot with Portman dancing en pointe and partnering.  The only thing on pointe she did was fifth position, hold, slide, and quarter turn to off pointe
• 53:39-53:36 No Dancing
• 53:37-53:43 Portman starts dancing again full body to upper body shot
• 53:44-54:30  No Dancing
• 54:31-54:34 Portman continues dancing

Break Down:

• Portman 0:58 | 0:18 Upper Body | 0:40 Full Body | 0:58 Pointe
• Lane/Double 0:00

Scene Summary:  Of the 58 seconds of dancing, Natalie performed 100% of the scene.  31% was filmed of the upper body only and 70% full body.  100% of this scene was performed in pointe shoes.

Portman 100% (31% U, 70% F, 100% P) | Lane/Double 0%

This type of filming accounts for 13 seconds

Natalie's footwork quality click more images

Images of a lift and one transition step

All Portman's pointe work in this scene Click!

Last lift in the combination

11 Nina’s Late/Stage Rehearsal

Time Index: 1:11:10-1:13:53

• Double: Yes
• Portman: Yes
• Pointe Work: No
• CGI: No

What I saw:

• 1:11:16-1:11:47 Natalie walks onto stage to find Mila dancing the Black Swan Pas. She protest to the director. During this part, I count all the time you see other dancers as dance time (I am calculating the total time in the moving spent watching ballet).
• 1:11:47-1127 Portman starts warming-up, for which she is given upper or full body credit for dancing–yes even when you just see her head and nothing else.  Other dancers seen during this period are given credit under others.
• 1:12:28-11:13:20 Probably some of the funniest dialog in the movie.  Not included in total time dancing
• 1:13:21-1:13:33 Nina starts rehearsing, but this is not Portman; it is her body double
• 1:13:33-1:13:53 Scene picks up on the real Portman, with her upper body only being filmed.  She switches glances around (time not includes)

Funny note….Lilly (body double) was doing full out pointe work….when she runs over to Nina she is in ballet slippers–what happened to the point shoes. I will be blogging on what revelation I had after seeing that little trick.

Break Down:

• Portman 0:27 | 0: 22 Upper Body | 0:05 Full Body | 0:00 Pointe
• Lane 0:12
• Others 0:40

Scene Summary: Of the 79 seconds of dance time, Natalie Portman was seen in this scene 34% of the time.  Of this percentage she was filmed 81% of the time with the upper body only showing. Full body accounts for 19% and there was no pointe work performed by Portman in this scene. Lane/Double was filmed 15% and other dancers accounted for 51% of the dancing you saw here.

Portman 34% (81% U, 19% F, 0% P | Lane/Double 15% | Others 51%

15% Full Body Credit for this?

Dance Double picks up the real dancing

Dance double shots stop about here

Portman picks up dance credit for arms only

Kunis appears in the film ONCE _wearing_ pointe shoes

12 Ballet Ending Stage Rehearsal

Time Index: 1:14:57-1:16:27

• Double: Yes
• Portman: Yes
• Point work: Yes/No.  One image shows her wearing ballet slippers; however, when Portman runs up the ramp she is wearing pointe shoes.

What I saw:

• 1:14:57-15:04 Wide shot showing the whole company.  This has a double
• 1:15:05-1:15:32 Focuses on Nina’s upper body
• 1:15:33-1:15:33 Focuses on ballet director
• 1:15:34-1:15:51 Focuses on Nina doing some lifts here, but hey looky there no pointe shoes
• 1:15:52-1:15:54 Focus on Director
• 1:15:54-1:16:05 Looky Nina is wearing pointe shoes as she runs up the stairs. Really, I have to give her credit for pointe work because I saw her run up the stairs in pointe shoes and stand in B+? Crimny!  She does not do any pointe work here!

Break Down:

• Portman: 0:55 | 0:53 Upper Body | 0:02 Full Body (running) | 0:11 Pointe (though no pointe work)
• Double: 0:04

Scene summary: of the 59 seconds of dancing time (does not include time spent on the director’s face), Portman was in 93%, 96% was filmed of the upper body only and 4% of the full body.  Portman gets credit for pointe work by running up a ramp in pointe shoes and standing in B+ a whooping 20%. Though, she didn’t do any of the other scene in them. Her double performed the scene’s first section at 7%.

Portman 93% (96% U, 4% F, 20% P) | Lane/Double 7%

Double appears in this rather short shot

Portman picks up the scene here

Portman is not wearing pointe shoes!

Portman now runs up the ramp in pointe shoes

13 From the Vision

Time Index: 18:46-19:47

• Double: Yes
• Portman: Yes
• Pointe Work: Yes
• CGI:  there is some computer manipulation here because the dancer does not match the dancer in the mirror. See images below.

What I saw:

• 1:18:50-1:1905 Starts dancing with Natalie’s upper body being film; when it pans out to a full length body shot what you see is a double. The double does not match the dancer in the mirror, but I cannot confirm the dancer in the mirror is Portman. What I think is happening.  The dancer behind the piano in the mirror is Portman; the dancer in the other mirror is both Portman and her double.
• 1:19:06-1:19:27 No dancing conversation with pianist
• 1:19:29-1:19:32 same thing as in the first–double weird things in the mirror
• 1:19:33-1:19:47 In this shot it picks up on Portman’s torso, but we get to see her in the mirror doing her bourees.

I had a really hard time deciding on “credit” in this scene.  Mainly because of the mirror play.  I gave credit were I felt someone’s attention was going to be focused: so for the two or so seconds you see the double; it is likely that someone would be looking at that.

Break Down:

• Portman 0:26 | 0:16 Upper Body | 0:10 Full Body | 0:26 Pointe
• Double 0:05

Scene Summary:  of the 31 seconds of dance time, Portman danced 84% (were we would focused).  Of that time she was film 61.5% were of the upper body and 38.5% of the full body.  She danced 100% of this scene on pointe, and her double did 16%

Portman 84% (61.5% U, 38.5 F, 100% P) | Lane/Double 16%

Double with some funky mirror action

Funky leg and arm mirror stuff

Portman doing more bourees

14 Performance/White Swan

Time Index: 1:28:55-1:32:46

• Double: Yes
• Portman: Yes
• Pointe Work: No
• CGI: No

What I saw:

• 1:29:15-1:29:224 Nina runs on stage
• 1:29:25-1:29:29 Double does the leap/long shot
• 1:29:30-1:29:43 Double’s feet
• 1:29:49-1:1:30:06 Portman upper body only
• 1:30:06-1:30:11 Double/ long shot
• 1:30:12-1:31:24 Scene alternates between Portman’s upper body, other corps de ballet, and people off stage
• 1:31:25-1:32:46 Around the time Nina is dropped.  The double is the person being dropped; you can tell by the fingernails–though you also could assume they wouldn’t let Portman take that fall and gt hurt.  Again you will see a double when the White Swan begins bourees off stage.  We return to Nina’s face–devastated.

Note: a near costume malfunction starts appearing in the scene.  When I watched the movie in the theatre I was quite distracted by it:  Nina’s boob almost comes out of her costume.  This tends to be a problem the last time the White Swan performs.  See images below.

Break Down:

• Portman 1:54 | 1:54 Upper Body | 0 Full Body | 0 Pointe
• Double 0:26
• Other Dancers 0:13

Scene Summary: of the 153 seconds of dancing, Portman was in 74.5% of the dancing.  100% was filmed of the upper body and there was 0% pointe work.  Doubles account for 17% of the dance and the corp de ballet 8.5%.

Portman 74.5% (100% U, 0% F, 0% P) | Double/Lane 17% | Others 8.5%

Portman enters the stage Upper Body

Double does the leap & long shots

Acting the White Swan is impression IMO

Double's does foot work close up

Portman's lovely expression & arms

Double picks up long shot/full body

Hated this: boob falling out of costume

All this film on shoots Portman waist up

Bad costume releasing boob---more...

Portman entering stage again--Mila on stage

This is why we did not see much of Kunis

A double is seen both in this far shot and a closer one

This was also calculated as dance time-her head

No surprise, a double takes the fall

A double? Far away shot, though hard to tell

These are also counted as dancing

15 Performance/Black Swan

Time Index: 1:34:28-1:37:24

• Double: Yes
• Portman: Yes
• Pointe Work: No
• CGI: Yes

What I saw:

• 1:34:28-1:34:42 Curtains open revealing Portman is not wearing pointe shoes
• 1:34:43-1:34:45 Double does the fifth en pointe
• 1:34:36-1:36:00 Shows Portman dancing from the upper body.  I do not count the time back stage preening around as dance time; it is really acting time…
• 1:36:01-1:36:02 Portman walks on stage to prep for coda.  This is counted as dance time
• 1:36:03-1:36:35 Double performs coda
• 1:36:37-1:37:06 Bowing, running over to Director and kissing.  The kissing here I counted as dance time
• 1:37:07-1:37:10 Bourees en pointe, gave it to the double
• 1:37:10-1:37:19 More kissing then walking on stage to take a bow.  All this was counted as dance time

Break Down:

• Portman 1:23 | 1:18 Upper Body only | 0:05 Full Body | 0 Pointe Work
• Lane/Double 0:39

Scene summary of the 1:08 of dance time, Portman was seen in 68% of the scene.  Of that 94% of the scene was filmed of the upper body and 6% full body (basically when she runs on).  The double performed 32% of the scene.

Portman 68% (94% U, 6% F, 0% P) | Lane/Double 32%

Portman is wearing no pointe shoes

Portman running in her ballet slippers

Some cool upper body filming

Double when we take the long shot

Coming back to Portman's Upper Body

Preening Backstage no dance time

Natalie Portman prepares for turns

Sarah Lane does pique and foutee turns

Sarah Lane decked out in CGI feathers

Still a double

Portman takes a bow

Double's feet doing bourees

16 Performance/White Swan

Time Index:

• Double: Yes
• Portman; Yes
• Pointe Work: Yes
• CGI: No

What I saw:

• 1:40:26-40:30 Portman and upper body
• 1:40:31-1:40:33 Double’s Feet
• 1:40:34-1:40:58 Portman upper body
• 1:40:59-1:41:01 Shot of whole group with double
• 1:41:02-1:44:00 Portman upper body, lift shows ballet slippers, running shows ballet slippers.  But then she is wearing pointe shoes at the end of the movie doing bourees.

Break Down:

• Portman:  0:62 | 0:54 Upper Body | 0:08 Full Body | 0 Pointe Work
• Double 0:06

Scene Summary: of the 1:08 of dancing, Portman was in 72% of the dancing.  Of that, 89% was the upper body and 11% was full body.  She was en pointe 16% of the time . Doubles account for 8.8% of the scene

Portman 72% (89 U, 11% F, 16% P) | Double 9%

Portman's upper body in the last scene's start

Interesting Pointe Work by the Double

Portman in a lift: about as much as you will see

Except here ... click to see no pointe shoes

Totally unrealitic costume- her boobs!

Portman back to emoting the white swan

Long shot has a body double I think

Running up the ramp sans pointe shoes

Magic! Pointe shoes now appear

Check out the results on the following page!

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Related Articles on Black Swan

• Answer to the question: Did Natalie Portman dance en pointe?
• An analysis of one trivia fact listed on IMDb about Milla Kunis learning to dance en poinnte (which she did not), and a response from me about her calling her body double a “safety-net”
• The 28 Dance Shots Sarah Lane Performed
• This is what happened during the Black Swan Ending

Viewed 15117 times

After practicing with a ballet instructor for three months, five hours a day, seven days a week, Mila Kunis learned how to dance en pointe. She had casually practiced ballet as a child.

Mila was in 4 dancing scenes: company class, the scene where Nina’s spies on Lilly rehearsiing, the rehearsal scene when Nina was late, and the White Swans first performance scene.  Only in two scenes was Kunis full body featured while dancing. In the Black Swan Rehearsal where she is filling in for Nina, she only stood there; she only moved her head; and she was no where near “en pointe”.  This is the only place you see her even wearing pointe shoes.  The other scene she has on ballet slippers. If you see Lilly wearing pointe shoes any other time, be assured that’s her dance double.

I do not question her training for three months, five hours a day, seven days a week; but I highly doubt she learned how to dance en pointe.  If by chance she did learn, it most definitely was not in this film anywhere! See these the two images below: one shows her wearing pointe shoes.   Then check out the second image.  It shows Mila wearing ballet slippers.  Her character comes directly off stage to hand Nina her rehearsal tutu, and she is now wearing ballet slippers when just moments before her character was in pointe shoes.

Kunis standing there "en pointe" (yeah she is not standing on her toes)

Kunis wearing ballet slippers. Her shoes magically changed while she walked over to Nina after the pas de duex.

I have seen some articles out there of Mila defending Natalie’s dancing.  She has said:

It was more like a safety net. If Nat wasn’t able to do something, you’d have a safety net. The same thing that I had — I had a double as a safety net. We all did. No one ever denied it.

Safety net? Seriously, when did Mila do anything but some tendu’s, some balances  and chaine turns, and some arm flapping, all of which was filmed from the waist up–if that? The images above and below are the only ones in the movie showing her full body while dancing.

Mila calls her double a “safety-net.” I call it a requirement.

The next set of images are the only ones from the movie I could find of Lilly dancing where you could see anything below the waist line.  She is wearing ballet slippers and not pointe shoes.  She runs on stage does a tendu croise devant and tombes to tendu croise derriere without a “safety-net.”

This is why Mila needed a "safety net"

Mila Kumis' one full body shot true dance form

BTW she is not wearing pointe shoes

BTW she is not wearing pointe shoes

She never is shown with that foot looking any better

Where oh where IMDB is the “en pointe” work in this movie?

These images are in a clip on the Making of website. Clearly showing Mila’s skills in ballet after her intensive training. This is the type of thing that really makes me question the validity of many of the claims and or assumptions that people make about the actresses dancing in this film.

Lilly, the logical choice to replace Nina?

I loved Lilly's character, however

And Mila's Acting was awesome

do not refer to your double as a safety-net though

Viewed 5005 times

Vincent Cassel discusses Black Swan — 11/29/2010

Interviewer: What was your biggest surprise working on Black Swan?

Vincent Cassel: Well, I guess the first time I saw, um, Natalie dancing, I uh I was surprised because I knew she trained and everything but I thought she would be like,  you know, when I see her dancing for the first time I would see an actress that you know trained to be in a dance movie, you know. When I first saw her she was really dancing. Like really dancing ballet…en pointe…you know…the line of the arms perfect….shoulder down…you know…everything I mean everything that a dancer that real dancers work on. So um I was surprised and impressed more than anything…

I really feel like this comment is way overboard. Natalie did look like an actress who trained to be a ballerina in a movie.  It is evident in any scene you see below the waist line; that said however, I still think her arm, carriage, upper body movement (especially the swan arm stuff) was very impressive for the small amount of time she trained.  Her pointe work, however, was not.  I don’t accept that Vincent Cassel said that because he doesn’t know much about ballet.  There are several interviews talking about his experiences taking ballet and his involvement in arts.

The Making of Black Swan Featurette — Posted 12/13/2010

Natalie Portman: Sometimes I had to feel really confident to be able to do a turn right, but had to be acting and really secure.  So the combination of the physical challenge and the emotional challenge simultaneously was one of the biggest feats.

I really like how she says her biggest feat was the combination of the physical and emotional challenge; indeed it is for any level of dancer. Though, some not all people out there could take the concentration comment to mean she did the turn–I think that this is any fault of Portman, nor is it deceptive on her part.  She did do some type of turning in her routines…we just don’t know what kind.

Darren Aronofsky: It was a tall order to ask someone to um you know become a ballet dancer. You know, It takes 20 years to become a ballet dancer, and uh she had a year to pull it off and she did it. And 90 percent of the dancing in the film is her. She got up on pointe at 27 which is a remarkable accomplishment, and um not only that, she was able to emote and express herself and feel alive while dancing.

This is the naughty, naughty comment.  It implies that within a year Portman became a ballet dancer, something of which takes 20 years to accomplish.  ent0r, a commenter on this blog, noted that he implied heavily the use of a double here; I didn’t see it this way because there are numerous scenes in the film where Nina isn’t dancing–that was about 11% of the time from my calculations. So, does that mean people think the other 10% is a double, or does it mean other dancers or characters such as Lily or the corps de ballet make up hat percentage?   That is the beauty of not being specific; you can always say you never “lied.”

Black Swan Butchery at the Ballet, Toni Bentley

Sarah Lane isn’t the only professional dancer to smack down Black Swan.  This was even worse than any comment Sarah Lane wrote; though, because she wasn’t involved in the movie she isn’t seen as being an attention monger.  Whew watch out this one is nasty. Some ballerina’s take things too seriously….though even here there are some good nuggets of information, but you have to get past all the angst too. BTW this is the only article I could find that went on this long or a rant…

Aronofsky has created a movie celebrating the failure of a ballerina, and by implication her entire art—disguised, insidiously, as a film about sacrifice and success….

I don’t think the film was about a failure of a ballerina.  Sure she was flawed and neurotic, but the film wasn’t solely based on her career. Nina is a ballerina, but the movie wasn’t necessarily about that career choice.  It was more about her mental state, which wasn’t normal to say the least.

This brings us to Aronofsky’s heroine: his waify, whiny, bulimic little ballerina, Nina Sayers.  Don’t you just love her?  The little swan who simply couldn’t fly.  And then we hear—over and over —that poor hard-working Natalie Portman had to actually lose weight and work really, really, hard—I mean really hard—for a number of months to pass, barely, as a professional dancer in the film, and only then between her neck and waist (don’t look further down: it isn’t there.  Even her double—the one who actually did work really hard for several decades—is hardly on screen).  A ballerina without her legs and feet is like a writer without words or a singer without a voice: not one.  No wonder Portman looks so beleaguered in the film: she is perhaps the first amputee professional ballerina.  But, hey, it’s Hollywood, and she has already won a Golden Globe and will likely garner an Oscar for her dorsal efforts. (Her upper-body-only performance does, however, enable her to wear the first strapless tutus in dance history.)….

The hardest thing for a dancer to do when going into a movie that features a ballerina is to forget about the dance. It needs to be convincing enough to fool a population of ballet-dumb, but it doesn’t mean the main character has to be a professional dancer.  Yes, Nina does convince the general public, and that is all that really matters.  I agree that a ballerina without legs is like a singer without a voice, and admittingly I laughed at the amputee comment.  However, the director did not show Portman very often from the waist down to maintain the illusion.  Instead, he used doubles.  Even if sparingly it got the illusion to be more real. On the note of the tutu: I was extermely distracted in the movie by Nina’s strapless attire.  The costumes were amazing; however, At the movie theatre when I noticed the issue I started watching to see how much boob they would let us see. It was distracting, and took away from everything in the movie: the acting, the dancing, the story.

I don’t care in the least that Aronofsky’s depiction of the ballet world and its anxious protagonists uses every blatant cliché about this rarified world, where anorexia, bulimia, self-mutilation, suppressed sexuality (but lots of attempted masturbation!), jealousy, stage mothers from hell, and vulgar, violent, lascivious company directors predominate.  And don’t forget the requisite bloody toe close-up. Ewww!  (For the record: A bloody toe for a ballerina is like a bruise for a boxer: ho-hum)…..

I agree that almost every cliche of the ballet world was used in this movie. But, hey…for a thriller horror film the cliches fit.  Doesn’t mean I think it is very creative. Regardless, it worked.

But the fact remains that reckless, self-destructive girls are simply not the ones who succeed in ballet—they are dropouts who must go to college.

The biggest problem I had in this movie was with Nina’s character.  I have come to understand it a bit more after watching the movie a lot. However, this character flaw still really gets me, and Toni hits upon it a little here. A soloist in a major ballet company would not have made it to that point with the already prevalent physiological issues. For me, it seemed Nina had a history with mental issues (the scratching). How someone so mentally fragile made to the top ranks in a highly competitive field in one of the best ballet companies in the world just isn’t believable to me. But, then again, I know more about ballet than the average person.

What is even sadder is that the only glimpses of the ballet world that most of the general public sees—and then believes—are these extreme aberrations.  I have heard it said of Black Swan’s popularity: “But at least ballet is going on people’s radar.”  Better ballet stay off their radar, if so inaccurately represented as a world of insane perfectionists, rather than what it is: a world of masterful devotees to beauty….

Yep, this is truly sad.  But not only for this film, but so many like it.  People may believe these extreme aberrations, but that isn’t the director’s fault. It is our own. Film is fantasy and illusion.  I think it is awesome that a film that is “about” ballet actually has done so incredibly well. This alone is a testament to Aronofsky’s skill. (though adding some lesbian scenes helped I am sure…)

Let’s face it.  I use to be a dancer, and the general public is dumb, dumb, dumb when it comes to the ballet world. Just as I am dumb, dumb, dumb to others worlds. I bet I have a few misguided perceptions about things in this world based off of something I read, watched, or heard. It is sad, but if someone would take one second to point out my misguided assumptions, I would listen. The important thing here is not to say every ballerina has an eating disorder, or is bitchy, or has over protective mothers, or is obsessed with perfection. It is up to us, the viewers of such things, not to perpetuate a stereotype based off of fiction about one singular crazy ass ballerina.

Most movies aren’t meant to embody the “whole truth.” Instead they sprinkle bits of truth, half-truths, and out-right lies to captivate us and get us to open up our wallets.  We all love a great story.  I understand why hard-core ballerinas out there may watch this movie and be totally put off.  Honestly, the first time I watched this film I found it unbearable.  The second time, however, I approached it from a different perspective: this is not the reality of anything I know to be ballet.

Ballerina’s forget your ballet before you watch this movie; forgot how Nina wouldn’t have ever been a soloist, forget that a “real” ballerina wouldn’t jet off the night before dress rehearsal to do drugs and get drunk (Ironic no that Portman said she lived a life basically like a monk while training for this film), forget that you wouldn’t dare step out on stage without straps on your costume lest you have a wardrobe malfunction, forget that the actress is a novice who only trained a year, forget that ballet is suppose to be about line and form, and forget your notions about how beautiful and ephemeral (a stereotype too if I might add) ballet is suppose to be.

I spent the majority of time from this movie the first time I saw it hiding my eyes at the gross stuff, noting the amazing CGI work, waiting for Portman’s boob to fall out of her Swan Costume, and noting every instance of a double I saw…oh and I did laugh inappropriately…a couple times, but that is for another blog entry.

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The opening prologue. She is seen en pointe during the last section after she was transformed into a swan.  She only does bourees for this scene.

This is where Portman was en pointe in the scene

The scene where she is practicing the Black Swan Seduction and is being told by the ballet director to do it again.  For this scene she steps up to fifth position, is taken into a dip by her partner while she is in fifth, supports she is slide across the stage and is brought back up from the dip.

Portman en pointe for the pas de duex

Next you see her in the scene where she says “From the Vision.”  The first part of the scene she is not the dancer doing the bourees.  After the pianist leaves, the shot shows a double.  Then the camera angle changes, and finally right before the Hero shot (where Nina raises her arm but her reflection does not) you will see Portman en pointe.

You can see Portman only in the mirror en pointe in this scene

The last time you see Portman en pointe in this scene she is doing bourees again right before the Swan Queen jumps to her death.

Portman performs bourees at the end of the movie

This being shown, however, doesn’t mean she didn’t work hard to get to this point. Standing in pointe shoes and making it look decent is no easy feat. The training Natalie had for a year prior to this film is a testament to that fact. I am certain she had to perform these scenes multiple times and had to practice them off camera in order to provide the directors with enough “good” footage to use.  As to how much of the film’s dancing she tried to do on pointe but was not picked for the final cuts, is beyond knowledge.  However, with one year of training, I speculate most of the film’s scenes were done on demi-pointe.

Images/Scenes you can find of Portman not dancing in pointe shoes

In all these scenes we were given the sounds of pointe shoes when pointe shoes were not worn.  Also, there are some scenes where you go from the character Nina wearing ballet slippers to wearing pointe shoes, which to me is a continuity goof.

1 Swan Queen Audition

2 Black Swan Rehearsal

3 Black Swan Rehearsal

4 White Swan Rehearsal

5 Black Swan Performance

6 White Swan Performance 2

What pointe shoes?

Many people find this post looking for the pointe shoe brand Nina wore in the movie. The answer is Portman wore Freed of London, and Sarah Lane wears Suffolk.

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What's our part in this movie "scandal"?

I’ve been following one article on the Wall Street Journal’s website.  Initially, I wasn’t going to make any comments; however, I couldn’t resist as a couple days.  These are a few of my favorites:

In response to people getting a little aggressive about Natalie Portman not making any response:

Why would Natalie speak out about any of this? Do you think she has as much freedom as we do to say what she thinks and feels without repercussion? Like Sarah was asked to hush up, Natalie was probably prompted on what to say and how to say it.

Many compare Hollywood to a high-school popularity contest… People tied up in this world are tied to the world of illusion and fantasy—both the illusions that they create on screen for us to enjoy, and our illusions of them based on this fantasy. Hollywood is selling us illusions, and that starts from the very moment a film is conceptualized—ironically much like the ballet world, the major difference in theatre the players cannot hide behind digital manipulation.

Hollywood is big business and big risk. Aronofsky had a hard time getting funding for this film and was probably under a lot of pressure to make sure it was a success. I have no doubt that box office sales, DVD sales, and Oscar nominations and/or awards were a part of the film’s strategic planning. That planning includes interviews and positioning of the film. Surely, we cannot have expected this representation of this film to be entirely “truthful.” They gave us the closest to truth they could give us while maintaining an illusion that would provide the highest profit.

I don’t expect the statements that any party [gives] now to encompass the whole truth. Everyone states their opinion based on what they see and or feel about the film. Sarah probably feels slighted when everyone is saying only the most difficult /complex moves, footwork, foutees, or longer sequences on pointe were done by a double. In a movie, what would a long sequence be—two minutes? Would we as an audience even know what those statements mean? Does the average person even know what a difficult ballet step is, especially when a professional makes it look so effortless?

They gave us a framework to build our own illusion. We become offended when the truth is revealed and become angry, accusatory, and defensive in our own right. Maybe we would acknowledge our own part in this hype and stop blaming Aronofsky, Portman, and Lane. I attribute my own surprise and interest in the reality of what was the dancing in the film not to play the blame/name game or call people selfish or a prima donna but to come to a greater understanding of myself and how I let the media influence my perception of what reality is—instead of what it really is.

My response to someone talking about how ashamed Lane should be for insulting Portman:

How do you know Sarah insulted Portman? Has Portman said she was insulted? Natalie has admitted to knowing how much she sucks at ballet. Hey — those aren’t my words those are NP’s:

‘I’m in full ballet mode right now playing a ballerina in ‘Black Swan’. I danced until I was like 13, but I definitely remember being better than I am. I was like, ‘Wow, I was pretty good as a kid.’ Then I went into ballet class, and I was like, ‘I’m not good at all. I really suck.’ So it’s been challenging.’

Lane just said it more precisely[and maybe a bit nicer]:

“I mean, from a professional dancer’s standpoint, she doesn’t look like a professional ballet dancer at all and she can’t dance in pointe shoes. And she can’t move her body; she’s very stiff”

Every ballet student is use to corrections and comments about once “potential” as a dancer and his or her flaws. It may be appalling to the general public to see a comment like this; but to anyone has studied ballet you know it is the normal. Comments like you are too short, you feet aren’t arched enough, you have weak turns, your pointe work is weak are common. If you are insulted by the truth, that’s your problem. But if you take those comments and try to do something positive with them….that is another. Ironically, I think it is funny that maybe, just maybe, we are appalled by the truth:

1. Portman doesn’t look like a professional dance–no surprise there
2. She can’t dance en pointe: bourees and one fifth position is not dancing en pointe and she didnt even dance around in them for the majority of the film.
3. She can’t move her body: Note the word body not arms. Portman did look a tad clumsy in the one scene we did get to see her dancing from toe to head.
4. She is very stiff–I didn’t see Portman lift her leg in the air above her hip in any shot — that 6 o’clock stretch is not a ballet move where one gets his or her leg in the air above 90 degrees while standing up straight on the other leg, such as an arabesque.

We don’t have a problem saying a film or book sucked and this is why it sucked. No one seems to go on about how the author or the film director is personally insulted. I think that is because the object is separate from the person. The film is not the director’s body; the book is not the author’s body; but the dancer, well you are talking about their body….and for some reason that seems more personal when it really isn’t.

If you can’t do that in the dance world, you are going to be one very miserable person with very low self-esteem.

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Project Name: Personal Blog

Client: Joe Brumit

Date: 2011

Purpose: To design a web presence for a philanthropist and Arby’s Franchisee owner, Joe Brumit

Technologies Used: html, css, mysql, and WordPress

Design: Implemented a WordPress template and added customization.

See this site live

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MoogFest Poster Finalist

Of 195 poster entries, my poster was one of 19 finalists to be displayed at MoogFest 2010. The poster that was picked to be displayed, however, was not my favorite. I have included the other designs I liked in this post as well.  See the other Winning enteries here.

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Click to see project images

Project Name: Corporate Profile

Client: Alltec Corporation

Industry: Manufacturing

Date: 2009

Technologies Used: Adobe InDesign, Adobe Photoshop, Adobe Illustrator

Project Description: Create an electronic corporate profile that includes information required by companies to submit bids for projects. The collateral piece should include a company history and mission, client list, and certifications.

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Click to see project Images

Application Name: Interactive CD Library

Client:  Alltec Corporation

Date: 2009

Technologies Used: Adobe Flash, Actionscript 3 (object-oriented), XML. Adobe Photoshop

Description: The purpose of this project was to create an interactive CD library for Alltec Corporation that could be mailed to engineers.  The library includes jpegs, tiffs, pdfs, dxgs, and dwgs that may be downloaded to the user’s computer. Engineers may use these downloaded files in project specifications.  In addition the CD was to provide quick access to product brochures, catalogs, and other specification documents.

Program Documentation:

• View Programming & Design Information*
• See Project in Action*

*You must be a Registered User of this site; please use the Registered Users application, below left, to register.

To see the project in action you may click the following links:

• 771 x 576: For previewing in website*
• 1024 x 768: Actual size of the application, opens in a new window*

* Please note that some functionality of this application has been disabled on purpose.

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click to see project images

Client: PowerGuide Systems, Inc.

Industry: Agent / Distributor

Date: 2009

Technologies Used: Adobe InDesign &  Adobe Illustrator

Project Description: Using the design of their Logo and website as a basis, letterhead and business cards were created.  The use of the sinewave represents the are of sales in which they focus, power quality.

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Playbill Advertisements

Project Name: Playbill Advertisements

Client: Brumit Restaurant Group

Date: 2010

Purpose: Design of various playbill advertisements support local community organizations

Technologies Used: Adobe Photoshop

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Of hightlight:

Q: How can you offer gifts?
A: We rebate advertiser dollars to consumers in the form of gifts. Our advertising sponsors cover the cost of the Free Apple iPad with the shipping and handling charges.

Q: Is there a fee to participate in this program?
A: There are no membership fees for joining. To get your gift, you must continue through the survey and complete participation requirements for sampling and purchasing products of interest.

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• Creating the product — always in process
• Handmade Hair Accessories Website — check
• Etsy Shop – check, still adding hair accessories to the site
• Facebook fan page — check
• Photographs — Photoshoot with Micah Mackenzie Photography this past Saturday. I took some photographs as well, but it is a work in progress
• Temporary Business Cards — on it’s way
• Research Asheville crafts scene — always a work in progress

Photo taken at Salon Intuition of No. 2805

From photo editing to posting things online, I wonder when I will find the time to finish some unfinished pieces or beyond that find time to conjure up new ideas and styles.  My friends have been encouraging.  I may be able to display some pieces at Salon Intuition in downtown Asheville and have had Pepper Parris of the Downtown Market suggest I become a vendor.  Right now I am just in a holding state, slowly progressing, until I feel the pieces are together enough to make a buzz.  What better time?  I mean the holidays are coming up soon and these hair accessories are perfect for parties.  I loved what Atia told me when I showed her my hair accessories for their salon.  She said something like–forget what you are wearing these hair accessories are the outfit!  That made me smile, as I hope these fancy little creations do for those who buy one.  More updates soon! Until then check out some of the photos I have from last weekend’s photoshoot with Micah.

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Performed 1998 at Diana Wortham Theatre

click to watch video

This piece was choreographed for ACDT’s performance of the Jungle Book in 1998 at the Diana Wortham Theatre. The dancers were my students from the new studio of dance. I am performing the solo at the end of the group piece.

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Jerri doing some improv

Julie B. recorded me one morning doing various improvs back in 2000 for a CalArts video audition.  The music is by Dead Can Dance and was inpart inspired by ACDT’s Lookiing for Frida in which this piece of music was used.  I made it into CalArts, yeah! But, I decided not to go after I found out how much student loans I would have after I completed my program.  Let’s just saying being a computer geek is more financially stable than being a dancer. Though, I cannot say that it is the same.

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Click to see project images

Project Name Name: Bobby Logic Modern Art Website

Client: Galaxy Nine | Bobby Logic

Date: 2010

Purpose: To design a web presence/identity piece for a modern artist to showcase his current and previous artwork and integrate it into a content management system.

Technologies Used: html, css, mysql, php, WordPress, Adobe Photoshop

Design: A customized WordPress templates.  Custom php/WordPress code was created to showcase work based on tags, as well as showing outside links in the shadowbox plugin, which also showcases the artist’s work. Incorporated in the sites design was a calendar and contact page.

See this site live

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So I was off to see what my peers thought about a cosmetic procedure.  My alias, my reasoning, my upcoming birthday.  So I approached some people that I know and off the cuff I told them that I thought about getting Botox done as a birthday present to myself.  I was amazed with all the negative attitudes.  Some of these individuals didn’t know I had a breast reduction. I wondered if they would have shunned me equally if they had known.  Out of all those I queried only one friend admitted to having thought about the procedure.  She did not jump to the disapproving “Nooooo!!!!!,” or “why would you ever do that?” or “are you serious?” comments.  We actually had a conversation about the pro’s and con’s.  The crazy plastic people who use a plastic surgeon like it was a gym.  Granted, I could have taken the shocked and disapproving comments as a compliment to mean I don’t need it and that I am fine the way that I am.   It was a way of saying you are beautiful the way you are.  Meh…

So that experience got me to thinking:  I believe most women will, even if it is a nanosecond flash, at some point and time in her life will contemplate some type of beauty enhancement (microdermabrasion, chemical peels, fad diets, and beauty creams not to mention liposuction, face lifts, or Botox).  The reason for this is simple, competition–not because she doesn’t like herself.  Beauty and youth is a commodity for women just as much as wealth and prestige is for a man.  It is deeply embedded in our culture and some would say within our biology (read the Moral Animal by Robert Wright).  Though we try to convince ourselves that our generation is more evolved, our culture still perpetuates the ideal of youth and beauty as seen through our “stars,” air-brushed models, advertisers, and media.  Each time an intelligent and independent woman is passed over for her younger and perhaps more attractive, counterpart, she feels the pressure to compete against that which “took” a valuable resource from her.  Love, sex, attention, and acceptance is a resource–everyone requires it to be a whole person (not a better person).  Beauty makes it easier to acquire those items; granted, it doesn’t ensure its retention.

Maybe my friend’s response was in hopes of keeping someone already attractive from becoming a plastic surgery whore, or prevent me from becoming the Michael Jackson or Tammy Faye of Asheville.  “You don’t want to be expressionless,” said one of my friends.  True, too much Botox or having it improperly administered can cause an expressionless face; however, from what I have read using the right amount on the proper schedule doesn’t cause an expressionless face.  In fact, I know it doesn’t.  I know someone who has been getting the procedure done for years.  Everyone thinks she looks “healthy,” not plastic or expressionless.  The other rejection claim is:  “It is a poison.  I laugh thinking of all the medications that people take that is toxic at the right (wrong) dosage.  The medical use of Botox (which includes way more applications than just cosmetic) has not created one single case of botulism in over fifteen years. Despite the numerous articles on the growing social acceptance of cosmetic rejuvenation I have read, it seems my experiment has proven its still not socially acceptable–that is of course, if someone knows you have had anything done.

To my friends, don’t worry I don’t plan on going out next May and getting dozed with Botox.  I rather put that money in my travel fund.  I have learned one thing, however, lie.  Don’t tell people about your nail appointments, teeth whiting routines, nightly crunch and push-up regiments, or hair treatments and definitely keep the microdermabrasion, facials, and Botox treatments to yourself.  Everything all comes with no effort, and it is all “natural.”  Just tell ‘em all you changed to an all organic, gluten free diet.

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I believe bored individuals are more reactive than proactive.  They look to the outside world for purpose and meaning.  They look to the outside to fix something in themselves.  Simply:  they look out instead of in.  They don’t interact with that environment fully because the in part is missing.  They sit passively by expecting the outside world to stimulate their internal minds.  Instead, proactive individuals stimulate their internal minds, and maybe even in there participation stimulate in return that outside world.  At least they are actively engaged with it.  It is said that boredom is a sense of learned helplessness.  This resonates in my mind.  People who complain of suffering from boredom do seem helpless at that time.  Maybe this is why I find myself bored very rarely, and if I do feel that way, I will not stay this way long.  This feeling always tells me I need to engage in something.  I think too that some people mistake boredom for relaxation.  For example, just sitting or laying around only listening to music and doing nothing else  some people might find this boring.  Indeed, some people may need to be doing three or four things in addition in order to feel stimulated enough not to be bored.  Sensory-overload.

Sometimes I think boredom is a symptom brought about by a lack of inspiration—that people do not know what it is to be inspired.  I don’t have a problem with inspiration, as evident by this blog.  I am inspired to write and think now on this topic.  No one told me to do it.  I was simply taken by the idea, am learning a great deal about it and myself, and am inspired to share that with others.  My inspiration, though externally triggered, has had a profound, positive impact on me internally; which now is being refocused externally.  People who receive stimuli and never do anything with it become bored by it because they are acting passively—show me something more impressive, I need a more exciting experience, I need more; and they do not have anything to give back because the whole time they are taking.  In this experience, the person does not experience anything that will have a permanent impact.  They have nothing to give back externally.  The giving of one’s experience—the interactive, cognitive part never really occurred.  I believe this is extremely important.  People are so disconnected from themselves they do not know themselves.  And this emptiness always causes them to reach out, asking give me something so I can feel full.  The experience losses interest and then they are more empty, more bored.

What is really sad is when boredom-prone individuals use other people.  They engage new people all the time.  Taking up this “new” and exciting person, and discarding them when they become ordinary.  Interests, objects, movies, music, and things are not hurt when it is tossed aside—it does not have feelings.  I do.  Nothing is more disturbing to me than being forgotten about because I am now just ordinary.  You know exactly what you are getting when you get with me.  I am dependable, responsible, and caring.  That is safe, but it sure isn’t that exciting.  And this is why I know I will be doomed to a single life.  I am simply too safe.

But that is okay because I rather people want to be around me for what I am and not what I do for them anyway.

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One Day as a Juror

I think most people go about their daily lives without thinking about the judicial system in Buncombe County; that is, until they get a jury summons.  This would make the second jury summons I have received.  The first one was a couple years ago, and when I called in, I was told I did not have to attend.  The second one, however, I was not so fortunate. About 80 or so people found themselves at the Buncombe County courthouse with me at 8:45 in the morning.  We were instructed on what to expect:  first by a video and second by the jury clerk.  She told us there were two cases, one civil and one criminal, that were going to trial.  The room was to be randomly divided with one group being assigned to one case and the rest to the other.  Then we began the most arduous task of day, waiting.  It wasn’t until about 10:30 or 11:00 before our groups were divided.  I was assigned to the first group, the civil case.  All 38 of us lined up and headed upstairs.

Of course I would be one of the 12 jurors picked for the first round of questioning.  We were called up one by one to our assigned seats; I was placed in seat number 5–juror # 5.  First question was there anything that would prevent someone from serving their jury summons effectively. Right off the start a physician’s assistant said that he had patients and could not serve effectively, which I felt was a load of shit.  He knew just as long as I did that he could possibly be sitting on a jury.  Why schedule appointments if you know that you have an obligation that day?  So juror # 11 was the first to leave.  Seat 11 would continue to have problems with staying power. The next woman placed in the seat was asked if there was anything that would prevent her from being an impartial juruor.  This cute, older woman said yes, I would choose the person I felt the sorriest for.  Needless to say seat 11 was replaced agin.  One of the most intersting jurors was a young man who was opening up a bicylve repair shop in Marshall.  He seemed to take jury summons serious, as he came neatly dressed with a legal pad in hand.  Even though the next day he was to have a financing meeting, which would run into the case tomorrow, the judge said they would wait for him to return that morning if he was selected for the case!

The plaintiff’s attorney questioned each juror: are you from here; what high school did you graduate; what do you do; where do you work; have you ever been in an automobile accident; do you know the plaintiff or defendant and/or his/her attorneys?  When it was my turn to answer the series of questions the attorney said Mr. Reeves.  I slyly peered around the juror sitting in front of me and he retracted the Mr. immediately and said Ms. Reeves.  I thought it was rather humorous at the time. Though, I wasn’t really wanting to be on this jury, one where the case was a he said she said situation, I was surprised to find myself a little happy that I was approved by the plaintiff.  It was now 12:30 and the hunger in my stomach was growing. Luckily the defendant’s attorney began to devel a little deeper into the previously asked questions.  She started with me with a request to further explain my automobile accident.  I asked her what she wanted to know.  It was a pretty vague question, and I wanted to know for what she was looking.

I suppose the attorney didn’t want anyone who had made an insurance claim related to an automobile accident. Though, what she didn’t know is that for my auto accident the attorney I hired lightly suggested taking the other party to court.  I decided that was necessary and that the money I would receive from the insurance company was sufficient.  This of course is assuming that the insurance company in this case paid anything at all.  It could have been a situation in which the insurance company refused to pay, thus, hired an attorney to represent this young lady in court.

Speculation aside, everyone who had a serious injury relating from an automobile accident was released.  I was the first name called from the defendant’s side to leave the jury.  Secretly I was ecstatic.  Unfortunately, this did not end my day of jury summons.  At least now I could get my lunch.  After which, I had to return to the court house to wait the rest of the day as a substitute juror for the criminal case. This is where everyone opened up and began chatting about the cases, reasons for dismissal, and sharing of automobile accident stories.  Total strangers where now connected to a shared experience, thus, had a reason to speak to one another.  This was quite a polar opposite to the 8 am jurors’ room ambiance–stiff, silent, and bored.

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What really motivates people in social networking platforms like Facebook or Twitter?  Is it to communicate with the people that you already know and trust?  Is it to increase your visibility?  Is it all a grown-up version of a popularity contest?  Is it a advertiser’s untapped marketing paradise?  Are people truly building relationships, or are they just trying to make it appear as though they are more important than they (be it person or organization) really are–more successful, more popular, more friendly, or just better connected? Are we just selling ourselves — our personal lives — connecting just to feel connected, loved, or important — so we don’t feel left out when someone else has brags about his or hers 1300 friends, 1 million fans, or 20,000 followers?

Everyone uses social media for different reasons.  Personally, I like the bite sized comments, information, and stories my friends share with me.  Sure I have a few connections that are just connections:  people of which I know very little.  I still enjoy reading their posts.  I find interesting to note how many people feel the same way about a day or the weather; how people are all seemingly interested in health care; how everyone has their very own celebrity doppelganger.  I hear a lot of complaints from people about how “stupid” facebook, twitter, and other social media sites are.  I agree that those sites are lame if you are collecting friends, followers, and fans like trophies.  However, if you get something out of what others share with you and if you are sharing with other people, it makes the world seem a little less isolating and unforgiving.

I’ll blog more on the social media nay-sayers soon.

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I hope this image is a real headline from the Miami News and that Tom Brandt was laughing just as much writing it as I was reading it.  I think both Republicans and Democrats should be able to laugh at least the innuendo, no?

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This image was a iPhone picture that I took on the way to the Lady Gaga Concert in December 2009.  I took it into Photoshop and manipulated it to create a soft, wispy effect. I plan on having this image framed and hung the the foyer of my house.

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RSS Question

So you have a website that has an RSS feed–which when a user subscribes to it, automatically tells him or her that you added new content.  Now you want to know how many people have subscribed. Furthermore, you might want to be able to tell which posts are receiving the most attention.  Typically, you cannot tell how many people have subscribed to your RSS feed just by having one.  The beauty behind being able to subscribe to an RSS feed is the anonymity one gets from doing so–unlike newsletter subscriptions where the user must supply you his or her email address.

Find out what an RSS feed is in this article:  What is RSS; what is so great about RSS?

Three options for tracking RSS feed subscriptions

–a simple, non-technical explanation of your options

Website log files

If you have access to your website’s log files and know what you are looking for, you could go through it to see how many times your RSS feed was requested.  A request for my RSS feed by my computer looked like this:

65.13.85.140 – - [18/Feb/2010:04:40:28 -0500] “GET /?feed=rss2 HTTP/1.1″ 304 159 “-” “Apple-PubSub/65.11″

This could be quite time consuming.  I have a new log file generated each day; however, that is a configuration I set up.  The default configuration for my website host was one log file.  That could be quite cumbersome to count, and if your site gets a lot of traffic almost impossible.  You web server may have some basic statistics that will log an xml request.  If your site has a static page for it’s RSS, you may be able to locate how many times it is requested by finding its filename.  This will not work, however, if you are using a statistic service like Google Analytics because you cannot put Javascript code in your RSS feed’s xml file.

3rd Party Service

Feedburner awesome 3rd party service for your RSS Feed

I like this option the best: try out Feedburner!  Feedburner allows you to see statistics about the number of subscriptions to your feed and what people are clicking through in your feeds to get to your website content.  This is by far the easiest solution too.  Bascially you take your current RSS feed, whatever that is, and create your Feedburner account from it; then on your website you publish your feedburner RSS link.  In my case, my url went from www.jerrilynnreeves.com/?feed=rss2 to feeds.feedburner.com/jerrilynnreeves. Everywhere on my website now has the link to my Feedburner RSS feed, and you can redirect any old RSS feeds using an .htaccess file.  You don’t _have_ to do these things, but it will give you a better idea on your subscriber base if you do.  Furthermore, if you go through the seemingly painful set-up of doing a redirect, let me suggest redirecting your real RSS feed to the Feedburner account.  Reason being, if you ever decide to ditch Feedburner, you readers do not lose your feed in their feed reader.  Here are a couple helpful guides–take note of the last article, redirecting your real feed–the feed you have control over–to Feedburner:

• Redirecting your RSS Feed to Feedburner using .htaccess
• Feedburner’s quickstart guide for numerous services
• Consolidating existing URLs

After you get your Feedburner account linked to your RSS feed, you will get to see how many people have subscribed, the “reach” (people who have viewed or clicked the content of your feed), and what your popular items are–along with doing a host of other goodies–like auto-publish your feed to twitter.

Use transparent png “bugs”

You can use a uniquely named transparent 1×1 png file and add it to the description field of an RSS feed. Then using your website logs (see option one) see the number of times the image is viewed and determine the number of times the feed was accessed.  Again, like option number one, not very effective for basically all the same reasons.  Furthermore, depending on your how your RSS feed is generated and how you implement the the png bug; it could totally give you the wrong stats and impressions:  you may think your feed is a hit when actually the counts are for every view of your post–just depends.

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Symbol for RSS Feed

RSS, or Really Simple Syndication, can be thought of as a TV channel for the Internet.  The feed, or channel, is used to publish frequently updated content such as news headlines, audio, video, blog entries, or other website content.  To receive these updates, you have to use a a piece of software often called a RSS reader or aggregator. The reader or aggregator  checks your subscriptions regularly for updated content, downloads the updates, and provides a user interface by which the user can read the feeds.  Most web browsers come with the ability to bookmark/subscribe to RSS feeds as well as common email applications such as  Microsoft Outlook 2007 and Mozilla Thunderbird.  More on that later.

So, what is the benefit for you to subscribe to a RSS Feed?

Websites that you like, or subscribe to, will tell you when it has updated content (actually your reader continuously fetches the feed for new content).  You do not have to remember to go look at the website to see if anything new is has been added.  You will get an update in your RSS reader.  It is like getting the newspaper or magazine delivered to your “house” with only the content you are interested in reading–the sports section for example.  Furthermore, the subscription, for the majority of the part, is anonymous.  Unlike subscribing to a company’s newsletter, where they may  collect your name, email address, and other personal data; an RSS feed is just a link.  The web server can only track the IP address from which the request was made.  Plus, you can few several websites at the same time on the same page, depending on  your reader.  This saves you time.

As Miguel Ripoll, creative director of Cesser Digital in Spain, put it in the article The Value of Feed Readers at Communication Arts’ website: “RSS is clean and unobtrusive and instantaneous. It takes you places, but you remain in the driver’s seat. It has the same appeal of plain-text e-mail (how annoying HTML mail can be), but none of the perils.”

How do you subscribe to an RSS feed?

Look for that bright orange sign accompanying this post as a image with the three radio signals.  That is the standard icon to notify web users that the site has a RSS feed, though it may come in other colors than just orange to match the site’s color scheme.  If you are in a browser that supports RSS feed bookmarks, after clicking the link your browser will open up the feed in it’s built in reader allowing you the opportunity bookmark/save/subscribe to it.

Web Browser Based RSS Reader

• Mozilla Firefox:  Live Bookmarks
• Internet Explorer 7: Feeds
• Internet Explorer 8
• Safari

Pros:  easily add RSS bookmarks from websites, familiar web browser interface.  Cons:  you have to remember to look at your bookmarks; your bookmarks are only available in the browser in which you bookmarked it.

Mail Application Based RSS Reader

• Microsoft Outlook 2007
• Mozilla Thunderbird
• Mac Mail

Pros:  new feeds appear sort-of like emails; feeds are stored and can be viewed at your convenience .  Cons:  must be using your email application and view new posts; posts only available in the application you added the feed.

Web Services as a Reader

• Google Reader
• Bloglines
• Yahoo!, MSN, Windows Live, and other social network accounts allow you to have a profile and customize your homepage contents.

Pros:  you can get your feeds from any browser on any computer.  Cons: you have to log-in to the service.

Want to subscribe to my feed?

My RSS Feed Symbol

Just click anywhere in my site where you see the symbol to the left.  In fact, you can click the symbol to the left to subscribe to my feed now!  Happy aggregating everyone!

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Button with jQuery / Javascript Action

When you click on the (+) sign, a custom AddThis toolbox appears. The toobox contains images necessary for users to add bookmarks and share content on social networks like Facebook, Twitter, and mySpace. In addition to these links, the toolbox contains another jQuery/Javascript click button, the (x) Close button.

When clicked the panel opens and shows another jQuery/Javascript button

When the (x) close button is clicked, the AddThis toolbox closes.

Initially, the code for both the (+) plus/open and (x)  close signs used standard html code for a hyperlink: <a href=”#”….. ></a>.  The pairing  jQuery/Javascript code following basically would toggle the hidden div with the class of lightbox and return false to the broswer so it would not follow the empty href link of “#”:

$(‘.sharelink’).click(function(){
$(this).siblings(“.lightbox”).toggle(“slow”);
return false;
});
});

In Internet Explorer 7 and 8, however, nothing happens when the button is clicked; the hidden div tag is never displayed.  You cannot override the default action of an anchor tag (<a href=”…) by using return false.  IE will follow the link specified by the href attribute; then it will execute the next statement, return false.

The easiest fix is to remove your <a href=” ” ></a> and use say a <p class=’somestyle’>image or link text</p>.  You can then use css to style those elements to have the pointer by using the css property “cursor:pointer.”  Then remove the “return false;” statement  from the Javascript code.  Also make sure that if you used any reference to the <a> attribute in your Javascript code that you replace it with the appropriate tag/class.  Now when the user hovers over the element it will still appear to be a link because the pointer will appear, but when he or she clicks on the “link” the javascript code will toggle the hidden element instead of doing absolutely nothing.

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Ere on ambition’s path my feet are set,
Sorrow comes often this poor heart to fret.
Yet, as my brow contracted with new care,
Was there not one who, parting turned to stare?

Dare I, that grasp at shadows in the wind,
Hope, underneath the moon, a friend to find?
Bright orb, if with my plight you sympathize,
Shine first upon the chamber where she lies.

Cao Xueqin
Story of the Stone
aka Dream of the Red Chamber

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Only if hope was stronger than our fear.

Today I tell hope to sit still and be at peace.  Though there are questions that round her lips; I mute her before she speaks.
I will enjoy today just as it is and just as it should be.  Blissful, peacefully, calm, and happy.

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click to see the book in progress

Sources for this project:

• Coat of Arms & Information: Keith Reeves
• Information: Reeves Registry
• Information & Images:  Reevesology

…more sources to be added

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Recently, I would say an exciting moment is admitting to your love that you have a feelings of love, or before that, perhaps, hanging out with the object of my infatuation.  That is both fearful and anxious.  I don’t like anxiety, and I don’t like fear.  In this particular situation, it is as if the moment I dissipated those negative feelings, it became apparent to that person I wasn’t the one.  In other words, I spoiled the excitement for him; thus, there is no more “us” in that sense.  Too bad, because I really liked this guy.

Anyway, who wants excitement when you are always afraid or always on the edge and anxious.  I don’t think this is fun at all.  I think it is really unhealthy too…and it can cause addict like behaviors.  Think about the chemicals released into your body when you are feeling fear and anxiety?  Now we all have heard of adrenaline junkie…do you think there might be some correlation here?  What happens when this person is no longer in a “worked-up” state?  Do they succumb to the feeling of boredom when actually they are in a state of peace?

Does a lack of excitement per say make my life boring?  Hell No!  Does it mean I don’t know how to have fun….uh, no.   I would say that I have fun, but I wouldn’t necessarily call it excitement because I am neither anxious or fearful—simply aware.

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Project Name: Protection Pyramid Flyer

Client: Alltec Corporation

Industry: Engineering Design Services

Date: 2009

Technologies Used: Adobe Illustrator, Adobe Photoshop, Adobe InDesign

Project Description: Create a pdf flyer so sales agent’s could see a visual representation of Alltec’s three tier approach to lightning protection.

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Project Name: Dragon Gate Design Logo

Client: Jerri Lynn Reeves

Industry: Web & Graphic Design

Date: 2007

Technologies Used: Adobe Illustrator

Project Description: First Logo designed for Dragon Gate Design in 2007. The logo’s design comes form a Chinese legend:  In Chinese mythology the Dragon’s Gate is a waterfall where a carp upon successfully jumping over it will become a dragon. The carp though its transformation into a dragon displays the ability to resist hurdles and achieve success. Communicating in the 21st century not only requires command over words and imagery but also command over the technology that delivers this information to an audience. Dragon Gate Design integrates technology and design to build communication systems that jump over these hurdles and help successfully deliver information through web and print mediums.  I was also born in the year of the Dragon, so I adopted the khoi fish as part of my logo during the first design.

Comment below and tell me which one you like the best

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Client: Brumit Restaurant Group

Industry: Food Service

Date: 2010

Technologies Used: PHP, mysql, html, css, jquery. javascript

Project Description: Develop a internet-based maintenance database system so 35 locations can login, submit a workorder, update workorders, and check the history and status of workorders

Design: The work order/maintenance database was designed using PHP, mysql, html, and css.  The project allows registered users to login and submit work orders.  When the user sumbits a work order special routing protocols automatically emails the work order request to the person responsible for seeing the issue repaired. Work orders may be updated by adding notes or updating its status. These status updates and notes are also emailed to the appropriate individuals.  The database also features an automatic on-call rotation function which displays the current maintenance  technician on call.

Future Enhancements: Add Ajax to the update form.  Add a dashboard based on user roles.

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Self Portrait Project Click for Larger View

In 2007, on a whim, I took some photographs of myself in my bathroom dressed out as some weird strung out goth person. These photographs where absolutely horrible, which was the point: to show the darker, “bad,” side that every person tries to hide. We tend to only put forth images and words that put ourselves in the best light–in order to achieve acceptance. Like these masks we create, I created masks for these images and set it to Lightning Fields by Sneaker Pimps.

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Lotus Flower Final Pas

Lotus Flowers performed by myself and my ballet students of the New Studio of Dance for ACDT’s production of the Jungle Book II. Corps and my pas de duex was choreographed by me and my students choreographed their own pas de duex with Giles.

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Project Name: Product Brochure

Client: Alltec Corporation

Industry: Manufacturing

Date: 2007

Technologies Used: Adobe InDesign, Adobe Photoshop, Adobe Illustrator

Project Description: My first big print project was a 28 page brochure design for Alltec’s products, services, and company information.  The design cover was an enhanced version (modified color, pictures, and text) of the design-in-process I inherited when I started working there.  All interior page design was of my own whim and creation.  This design started the “bold-striking” image I later enhanced in other projects.

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Close to Simple as Simple Gets

“So many profiles on online dating sites say, “I enjoy the simple things in life.” –or something similar in tone and nature. I find this statement kind-of ironic because the very nature of our being is complex. Humans are complex. To share one’s life with someone, is to accept his or her complexities, thus, making your life a little less simple. To what “things” are people referring? Things are not simple and can be quite complex. You may like to travel; you may like music; you may like the arts; you may like a “comfortable” home; but these things are complicated by money. Well that depends on one’s desires and expectation. A more expensive taste requires more money; which, in turns, makes things more complicated if one does not have the means to support that preference.

Complicated or Simple, you decide.

To truly enjoy the simple live and enjoy in simple things, one first must be simple his or herself. One first must see how one complicates his or her life and strive to remove those things. One must see how one’s preferences complicates his or her enjoyment in simple things. If you can enjoy living a simple life yourself and know how to make enjoyment out of being simple, then you can enjoy sharing simple things with someone else. Until this occurs one will never be able to reach this harmony.”

Simple / Not Simple

I partly agree with this; however, I know people who say these are the simple things…but I can’t say those things are without complication…if I think of that statement and ask myself what in life comes without complication, I am not sure.

• My cats?  When they are healthy and not sick.
• My friends? When I do not feel guilt for not doing this or that, or so long as the friendship is stable.
• My family?  Geeze when has that ever not been complicated?
• Nature?  Well she has proven to complicate my life with wintry weather of recent
• Relationships?  Don’t even need to go there…
• Love? Ha, now that is funny!

I think I will stick with my initial assumption: nothing is without complication, and I do not consider anything simple. But do enjoy “simple” things:  spending time with my friends and family in conversation, listening to music, writing, going on hikes, a cup of tea in the morning on a cold morning, my hot baths, a smile on the face of someone I love, gratitude from others for being there for them, hanging at home on a Friday night with a pizza, movie and bottle of wine, providing love and attention to my 3 felines, playing in the snow…I’m sure I could think of more…

Maybe that makes me _not_ complicated enough for some people.  Call me a simpleton, I won’t mind.

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Project Name: PowerGuide Systems, Inc Logo

Client: PowerGuide Systems

Industry: Agent/Distributor

Date: 2009

Technologies Used: Adobe Illustrator

Project Description: Design a corporate logo for a distributor/agent for power quality products.

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For this demonstration, we are going to use a simple calculator that I built for Alltec Corporation and integrate it into a post on this site (I will change the “real” values of this calculator).  Note: this is a quick, simple way to get your php application into Wordpress and may not be suitable for all applications.

Step One:  Removing Unnecessary HTML

click to see more images

All that should remain is the center content where your application would be displayed.

Step Two: Checking Variable and Function Names

You will need to check your code to make sure you haven’t used any WordPress or theme variable and function names. For example, $name, $value, $deprecated, $autoload, $option, $option_name, $newvalue are variables used in the function update_option.  If your PHP code contains any of these names, you should change them to ensure your plugin works correct and actually installs.  It is a wise idea to name your variables uniquely such as bc_variableName or bc_FuntionName.  This will make sure your plugin functions correctly.  If you plan on publishing your plugin, which requires more review and planning than this tech-tip, giving your variable and function names descriptive, unique names is a must.

• Make sure your variable and function name do not conflict with your theme and WordPress.
• Give your variables and functions meaningful, plugin dependent names.

Step Three:  Create Your File Headers

The first thing you must include in your main PHP is the standard plugin information header.  Without it, WordPress will not recoginze your plugin; it will never be activated and it will never run.

At minimum you have to have the line:

• Plugin Name line

Example code:

Step 3: Create plugin hooks

In this example, we will prepare the code for WordPress hook, add_shortcode. The add_shortcode function will give a name that can be called in your post and tell WordPress what function of your code to execute.  When you designed your php application, you may have set it up to handle user events: has the form has not been submitted, do this; has the form been submitted, do this. Following this action handling code, you may have a list of functions. You will want to wrap these action handlers in a function. In this example, I have wrapped all my action handlers in the function run_bc(). I used links back to the Bracket Calculator PHP file so the user could click the link and run another calculation. Since we are pressing this file, we will need to change those URLs with a permalink. You can use the get_permalink to reference the page or post to which the form will be submitted.

• Wrap the action handling events, which call other application functions, in a function to be called by WordPress when your short code is used
• Make sure that your form’s action uses the get_permalink function

Next we will want to add our short code function.  In this case, our function will have the short code text used to call the plugin into action and the function which it will run.

• add_shortcode(‘bracket_calculator’, ‘run_bc’)

View the code here

Activating your plugin and add it to your website

Now all we have to do is install our plugin and add it to a page.  To install your plugin, you will need to upload it to your web-server.  First you will want to create a folder that is descriptive of the project’s name.  For this program, my folder name is bracket-calculator.  If you plan on using the upload function of WordPress, you will need to zip the folder. Then use the interface to upload the zipped folder.  WordPress will unzip it and put it in the correct directory.   If you are going to manually upload the folder’s content, you will upload the folder to the wp-content/plugins folder.

After you have uploaded your program, you will go to the plugins interface of the WordPress administrative panel.  If your code is correct and it is uploaded to the correct directory, you should see it listed as Inactive in the plugin interface.  Activate the plugin by clicking the Activate link.

Now it is time to determine how you are going to post this application: as a page or a post.  In this example, I am posting it as a post.  However, I normally find that I post my PHP applications as pages.  Choose the type of post you will create.  Open up the new post/page.   Now you will add your shortcode that will call your plugin and cause it to run on your page.

• [ bracket_calculator ] Note: the spaces before and after “bracket_calculator must  removed.  These were added to prevent WordPress from embedding the application in this post.

Preview your page to test it.  If you have gotten any page not found errors, it might because one of your variable names is one that WordPress or your themes uses.  After you have confirmed that it works, you can publish your page.

• View the plugin in action
• View the design project here

Upcoming Tech-tips based on this entry

• Programming a simple PHP application
• Making your code better
• Adding a WordPress Options page for your WordPress plugin
• Adding database to your PHP application

Resources

These are some of the resources I used to create my application

• get_permalink
• Writing a plugin
• Plugin API
• Action Reference
• Shortcode API

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• See how it is done here
• View the project information here

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Performed 2002 with Co-motion

Mea Culpa

I choreographed this piece on myself and my students at Co-motion Dance Studio in 2002.

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There are three videos in the playlist above: Part I: Skydiving Instruction, Part II: Pre-flight Fun, & Part III: The Jump. To navigate to another video use the arrows on the video player.

The Story

Jonathan & Jerri Before Training

When I was a little girl, the family went to Grandfather Mountain for a day of fun; however, it didn’t turn out so fun for me. When we all arrived to the famous mile-high bridge, I freaked out. I started balling, crying, pleading, and begging to be left waiting as everyone else crossed over. My pleas were ignored, and I balled my eyes out all the across and all the way back. So there started my fear of heights.

Years later I started trying to clean out the closet of all those little childhood fears. I didn’t embark on the fear of heights until I was 21. I started rock climbing. My father found this humorous to say the least, and he reminded me of that little family trip. Regardless of the past, I took it up. I got pretty good. The heights sometimes took my breath away, but I wasn’t scared. I even learned how to lead climb. Lead climbing made my adrenaline rush, and I cannot say I was without fear. However, this fear wasn’t the fear of heights or falling; it was the fear of getting hurt.

I felt a lot of expectation from others when I went skydiving for the first time. I didn’t feel as though I displayed the appropriate emotions for the moment, namely excitement. However, I believe where others sensed a lack of excitement I sensed a lack of fear. I had already lost that childhood fear of heights. The only thing that remained was the fear of getting hurt. I did not have the fear of getting hurt because I knew that I would have someone strapped to my back who had jumped at least 4,000 times. I trusted my tandem partner, and by doing so I was able to remain calm, focused, and enjoy the experience I was about ready to have even if I was feeling pressured to show more enthusiasm.

Bird like precision

We first started off waiting the day, watching others jump. There is nothing more beautiful than seeing these gum-drop parachutes floating in the sky. At first you only hear the whisper of their parachutes opening. A tiny little speck appears. Then the full bloom of the candied colored shoot swooping left, then right, or sometimes swirling like a cork screw comes into perfect view. As the skydiver nears the earth, the floating becomes a dive, their speed seemingly increases and they land with the precision of a bird (well the skilled divers at least). I thought to myself: if I were without a tandem partner I would surely be scared out of my wits to land at such speeds. Surely, I would end up with my face planted into the ground. Luckily I did not have to worry about that pressure.

After we signed away our lives, we headed into the training room (Check out the first video) to become educated on what not to do and what we could not do–sue and win. We shouldn’t open our mouths or grab your tandem partners hands. We should stick out our hips and put our arms out to the side–soar like a bird is the image in my mind. I found everything quite humorous; though, I took everything seriously. I think the humor display by our pre-flight instructor (and my second jump tandem partner) was to help those how felt anxious or scared to release some of that built up tension.  After the training session, the reality of jumping out of a plane started to settle.  This was going to be an awesome experience!

For the next two hours or so, we got to watch experienced divers in the hangers rolling and laying on their parachutes.  Not just for the fun of it or because they were tired, this act served a very important purpose:  it got all the air out of their chute so it could be packed.  The parachute and pack weighs about twenty-five pounds.  That may not sound like a lot, but when I picked up one I thought it to be heavier than my climbing pack full of gear. The plane came and went and we watched and waited in anticipation for our turn.

Suited Up

Finally the time came. We went back to the training center to get suited up in these dorky grey outfits and beanie helmets. I felt as though I were suiting up for some sci-fi video. Not quite. The small plane finally landed to pick us up. My friends, tandem partner, and videographer piled onto the plane. I could barely hear my thoughts let alone the questions, comments, or suggestions people would say. Even in the noise of the plane, I found myself in calm reflection. It was in no time I found myself scooting forward on the narrow bench approaching the door way to the outside, some 14,000 feet up! Everything below was miniature, like a model one would build for a movie set, or one of those scenes you have only viewed in a movie. But this was no movie, it was real life, and I was about ready to feel the wind in my face going about 120 miles per hour! When we approached the door I do not recall any reflections, just me counting to three. But when I hit number two, I found myself going out the doorway sideways. Okaaaay, here we go. I could not breath; I didn’t want to look at the camera man; and, I wanted to quit slobbering all over my face. Shortly I found my breath, and I was surprised by the lack of a sensation: falling. There was only the rush of air in my face. The wind and speed created air resistance, which in turn removed the sensation of falling. The next thing I knew, the parachute popped open and I felt a jolt as I was crammed down to the harness. We rushed upwards as the wind filled the shoot. There in the vast, opened sky, we floated. It was peaceful and I was elated.

It's a bird; it's a plane...

I learned to steer the shoot for a bit. Then my tandem partner took us into dizzying swirls as he yanked one side of the shoot down. I did the same and giggled like a little girl. This was so much more fun than just jumping out of an airplane. This was flying with nothing between you, the wind, and nature. Alas, this enjoyment was only to last a mere 10 minutes. As we approached our landing, the sensation that we were gaining speed came, and I grimaced: I hope I don’t land on my ass. Luckily my tandem partner was about 6 inches taller than I, and his feet hit the ground long before mine. We landed standing up, my face and ass safely far from the ground. I was happy that I would get a second chance to jump again without losing my breath, without slobbering on myself, and getting to do somersaults and turns in the air before riding the wind safely back to ground.

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Click to see project images

Project Name: Early Streamer Emitter Product Website

Client: Alltec Corporation

Industry: Manufacturing

Date: 2009

Technologies Used: html, css, php, mysql, Adobe Photoshop, Adobe Dreamweaver

Project Description: Design a website for Alltec Corporation’s Early Streamer Emitter Terminals that would provide a marketing front for the product as well as technical calculators and information for registered users.

Design: The design of the site was inspired by the identity materials I had developed for the company along with an advertisement/new product identity developed by Alltec’s newly hired graphic designer at that time. The site application is programmed PHP and backed by a Mysql database. It includes a user administration console, a data management console, and a file management console, which requires special permissions to access. Other registered users have access to the products technical calculators only.

• See this site live

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Project Name: TerraStat and TerraDyne Design Comps

Client: Alltec Corporation

Industry: Manufacturer

Date: 2009

Technologies Used: Adobe InDesign &  Adobe Photoshop

Project Description: These two advertisements are design composites created for two international ads for Alltec’s TerraStat & TerraDyne Products–unpublished.

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Application Name: PowerGuide Systems, Inc. Website

Client: PowerGuide Systems

Date: 2009

Purpose: To design a web presence/identity piece and integrate it into a content management system.

Technologies Used: html, css, jquery, javascript, mysql, php, WordPress, Adobe Photoshop, Adobe Dreamweaver

Design: This site’s design was ported to WordPress with custom templates.  It uses JQuery to provide a unique user experience for navigating through WordPress generated pages and posts.  The website’s design was based on existing identity work.

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Problem:  IE turns a transparent background png into a gradient

The background image used above is a black 1 pixel by 1 pixel png with 50% alpha transparency.  As you can clearly see, Internet Explorer in its oh so helpful but annoying way has decided to help out my design by turning that repeated background block into a gradient.  Why? I have no idea.

Fix:  Change the dimensions to something larger

To prevent Internet Explorer from making a gradient background out of my transparent png file, I took my 1 x 1 png image and increased its dimensions to 100 x 100 pixels.  Resulting background:

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Mr. Boo gets my camera

This is a collage of photographs I took with my new camera. Of course, the first thing I do is take pictures of my feline family.

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Click to see project images

Application Name: Lightning Protection, Grounding, & Surge Suppression Glossary of Terms

Client: Alltec Corporation

Date: 2008

Technologies used: Apache, PHP, Mysql, HTML, CSS, PHP, JQuery, & Javascript, Adobe Photoshop, Adobe Dreamweaver

Purpose: This application was programmed to provide a custom database to store industry specific definitions for the lightning protection, grounding, and surge protection industry.  This application contains an HTML based user maintenance interface.  Authorized users may edit, add, or delete glossary terms.

• See it live

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Application Name: Lightning Risk Assessment

Client: Alltec Corporation

Date: 2009

Technologies Used: PHP, HTML, CSS

Purpose: This application was programmed to provide a Lightning Risk Assessment Calculator based off of the National Fire Protection Association (NFPA) 780 Standard

• See it live

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Click to see project images

Client: Alltec Corporation

Date: 2009

Technologies used: PHP, HTML, CSS, WordPress Plugin, Textpattern

Purpose: This application was programmed to provide the cost of a part based on several options available.   The application was integrated into the company’s Intranet website, which provided easy access to employees.

• See it in action on this site (note the values in this application are not real)
• See how this was made a WordPress Plugin

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Click to see project images

Application Name: Employee In/Out Board

Client: Alltec Corporation

Date: 2008

Technologies used: PHP, MySql, HTML, CSS, V-Tiger CRM, TextPattern CMS

Purpose: This application was programmed to provide a web-accessible dashboard to tell if an employee was in or out of the office.  The application was developed in a Wndows, Apache, Mysql, PHP platform on which Microsoft IIS services ran.  The in/out board used the core contact tables of the V-Tiger CRM to add, edit, or delete employee information.  A custom table was added to the CRM platform to include the employee’s in/out status, expected return, and any comments.  This program was also integrated into the company’s TextPattern Content Management System.

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Application Name: Alltec Intranet

Client: Alltec Corporation

Date: 2008

Technologies Used: HTML, CSS, PHP, MySql, Microsoft IIS, JQuery, Javascript, TextPattern, Multiflex, & Easy Calendar, Adobe Dreamweaver, Adobe Photoshop

Purpose: To redesign the company’s intranet site in a content management system that could be updated by multiple employees and would support the following web-based applications: document management, calculators, calendar, & employee in/out board.

Design: To maintain design consistency with Alltec’s Internet website, the Multiflex theme was ported to Textpattern and customized accordingly.  Additional integration of opened source applications included a PHP-based background image rotator and Easy Calendar.  Custom PHP programming included a part cost calculator (integrated into the CMS) and an employee directory and in/out board (Integrated into the CMS).  JQuery and Javascript was used to enhance user experience.

This website was also ported to WordPress; however, I had to revert back to Textpattern . I did not have enough time to debug the calendar, cross browser functionality, as well as WordPress application bugs before taking a position with another firm.  Particularly fun during this port was making WordPress plugins for the part cost calculator and employee in/out board.
Related Projects:

• Part Cost Calculator
• Employee Directory and In/Out Board
• Web-based Calendar

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Project Name: Alltec Website Redesign

Client: Alltec Corporation

Industry: Manufacturing

Date: 2008

Technologies Used:  html, css, PHP, Mysql, JQuery, javascript, Textpattern, Adobe Dreamweaver, Adobe Photoshop

Purpose: To redesign Alltec Corporation’s website to improve search engine optimization, provide user’s more information through news, articles, brochures, catalogs, and product related web-based tools.

Design: Alltec’s new website was given a two-month launch date after manager’’s approved of using the Multiflex theme.  I ported this theme to the Textpattern content management system and added additional features, such as the header image rotator, which changes the header image each time a user visits a separate page.  In addition, custom applications were created for the users:  glossary database application and a lightning risk assessment.   To enhance user interaction, JQuery was implemented on several pages.  Alltec’s vistor ratings doubled after the redesign of the site.

Related Projects:

• Glossary Application
• Lightning Risk Assessment
• Email Newsletter

Views:

• View the old site here
• View site live

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Project Name: TekSource Logistics Logo

Client: TekSource Logistics

Industry: Logistics

Date: 2009

Technologies Used: Adobe Illustrator

Project Description: Design concept for a logistics company. Unknown if the company ever opened.

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Project Name: GroundGuardian Product Logo 

Client: Alltec Corporation

Industry: Manufacturing

Date: 2008

Technologies Used: Adobe Illustrator

Project Description: This product logo was based on Alltec’s three-tier color scheme for product groupings, grounding = green, and incorporate the use of a watch dog for its ground monitoring device.

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Project Name: FlashTrax Product Logo 

Client: Alltec Corporation

Industry: Manufacturing

Date: 2008

Technologies Used: Adobe Illustrator

Project Description: This product logo was based on Alltec’s three-tier color scheme for product groupings, surge suppression = red, and incorporate the use of a sonar pulse to symbolize the product’s tracking capabilities.

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Project Name: Lightning Awareness Website

Client: Alltec Corporation

Industry: Industry News

Date: 2009

Technologies Used: html, css, WordPress, Adobe Dreamweaver, Adobe Photoshop

Project Description: Design a website to provide informative information about lightning and the lightning protection industry.

Design: The Lightning Awareness website’s design was inspired of of my website’s design: bold color, full image background with transparent overlays.  A featured articles slideshow was implemented to display articles that the client would want the reader to be drawn to read.  Also implemented was  easy to post multimedia entries as well as an RSS feed of Alltec’s own news and articles.  Users of this site can easily create new pages and posts and have them displayed on the site without any additional programming.

View Site Live

Viewed 535 times

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Project Name: Aegis Website Redesign

Client: Aegis Building Technologies

Industry: Manufacturing

Date: 2009

Technologies Used: html, css, mysql, JQuery, JavaScript, WordPress, Adobe Dreamweaver, Adobe Photoshop

Project Description: Update Aegis Building Technologies’ website in a content management system.

Design: This redesign used the content from the existing site; however, moved away from using its existing design.  The site was created for Wordpress and used JQuery where page length would become too lengthy through the use of css styles. Other cool features/plugins for the site include an rss reader for industry partners, navigate to the top css link, flash tag cloud.

Views:

• See old site here
• See site live

Viewed 594 times

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Project Name: HomesOnFilm Video Tours

Client: Homes on Film

Industry: Real Estate Services

Date: 2008

Technologies Used: html, css, Dreamweaver template, Adobe Dreamweaver, Adobe Photoshop

Project Description:  Website designed for a video home tour company.  Client requested a Dreamweaver template be built for him to edit and add content when he wanted.

Viewed 916 times

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Project Name: Aegis Building Technologies

Client: Aegis Building Technologies

Industry: Manufacturing

Date: 2007

Technologies Used: html, css, JavaScript, Adobe Dreamweaver, Adobe Photoshop

Project Description: Designed a basic web presence for company’s products and services.

Design: Example of old school table design using css.  Design concept was based off of Aegis’ existing marketing materials.

Viewed 536 times

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Project Name: Fairleigh Gayle Cook Website

Client: Fairleigh Gayle Cook

Industry: Arts

Date: 2007

Technologies Used: html, css, SimpleViewer, Adobe Dreamweaver, Adobe Photoshop

Project Description: Simple, minimalist website designed for a ceramic artist.  Black background used to make images pop off screen.  Uses SimpleViewer Picasa plugin to create new photo galleries for sample work and design options.

• See this site live

Viewed 1741 times

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Project Name: Rock Climbing Summer Camp Website

Client: Fox Mountain Guides

Industry: Adventure, Education

Date: 2007

Technologies Used: html, css, php, Adobe Flash, Dreamweaver Template, Adobe Dreamweaver, Adobe Photoshop

Project Description: Create a simple website for a rock climbing summer camp

Design: The design of this website was based off of the client’s existing website and color scheme.  Basic html and css was incorporated into a Dreamweaver template so the client could update the content in the future without disturbing the site design.  Images also had to be cropped and enhanced to fit the site’s design.  The site includes an Adobe Flash banner introduction (my very first Flash project) and uses a php-based image rotator to switch out images randomly on interior site pages.

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Project Name: Cultural Diversions v.3

Client: Jerri Lynn Reeves (me!)

Industry: Social/Professional

Date: 2006

Technologies Used: html, css, Adobe Flash, Adobe Dreamweaver, Adobe Photoshop

Project Description: Redesign of my website.

Design: I redesigned my website, which was only a blog, to include static pages and have a completely different look.  Unfortunately I do not have an example of what it look like before this version.  One of the biggest changes was the use of a Flash navigation menu/header.  There are several reasons why the site is called Cultural Diversions:  one is my interest in the arts, different ethic groups/cultures, and that I feel the sharing of knowledge and values (such as mine through a blog) represents the culture and time in which I live.

• View Flash Navigation * links do not work in this demonstration

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Hopefully I can start to blog more and blog more like I use to…real and in touch with the core of my thought and emotion.  I have been hiding a bit from all of that…and that is okay.  This is my first step to putting it all out there again.  Maybe no one will care to check in and read and enjoy…maybe some will…but in all reality this blog is for me and those who really do care.  “Cuss” popularity…and the pressure to fit in…cuss people who try to make you feel lesser of a person because you have an accent…or your parents weren’t part of the social elite…there are more important things in life.  I am fortunate enough to have found many of those things…

Let’s rock 2010!

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